causes and Reasons of conflicts is a different situation, but they all occur in similar, in a certain way built the mechanism. If you find this mechanism, it is possible to understand your problem: what happens and how to deal with it.

most Often, conflicts arise because each party sees only part of the situation and not the overall picture. To make it easier psychologists have come up with to put everything into simple categories: what I thought I felt wanted and what I was doing AND it is VERY IMPORTANT to write what did the other person that he in my opinion felt he was in my opinion thought and wanted. Try to imagine a conflict situation with a close (or not close) person. Decompose the situation on the circuit, and you will see that some details are lacking.

here is an example. Mrs. L. had a fight with her husband when he came home late. Mrs. L met her husband in the hallway, she is furious and, with her customary eloquence, expresses his dissatisfaction with her husband and their miserable share in this marriage, but Mr. L said that her marriage was not forced and he's actually always been this way, just her demands grow and grow. The couple swears and comes for a consultation. It seems that everything is clear in this situation, but if we build a model of it, we realize that we know very little! (see table)

Mrs. L

Mr. L


Expresses dissatisfaction with her husband and their marriage.

Says that everything was always the same, accuses his wife that she izmenilas










Now we can clearly see how much information we lack. If you start to find out details that someone felt and thought about the situation, it became clear that Mrs L is actually very worried about her husband: when he lingers, she's worried that something happened. She thinks he doesn't like to spend time with her and she is scolding him, just wishes that he were home. In the process it turns out that Mr. L loves his wife and doesn't want to swear to it so delayed the return home. It seems that the wife demands from him more and more, and that he did not meet her requirements and he is actually afraid to be alone.

This example helps to understand just how much lies behind words and actions. When all parties can see what is really going on between them, it is easier to come to a correct conclusion and effectively resolve the conflict.

Try to analyze the conflicts and thus perhaps more will become open to you!

Anastasia mironchuk
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