Very often from their clients I have to hear the phrase: "I'm getting pissed!", "This is pissing me off!", "I'm getting angry about!"... So I started thinking: where in the us does so much anger and aggression? Why is everyone suddenly begins to irritate and enrage? What is happening in this moment with us and with the world? And how to return to a state of inner harmony and comfort? This will be discussed in this article.

origin of the anger?

Anger is a natural human reaction that occurs in an unacceptable or unpleasant life situations. Anger includes a range of manifestations, from mild irritation to anger or even rage. However, the reason for the anger are not always external circumstances or other people. Often the sources of irritation are rooted deeply within us: dissatisfaction with their appearance or weight, low self esteem, a boring job, low salary, lack of achievements.. We not admit to ourselves the real causes of dissatisfaction, I try not to notice the dissatisfaction. And that's negative experiences accumulate, and at some point it is impossible to contain them, they spill out, attacking everything that gets in the way: other people, traffic, prices in shops, etc. We explain to ourselves our bad mood and irritation external events or other people, because it is much easier than to admit their failures.

to Find the cause of the irritation and anger outward is always easier than to look inside ourselves and understand what's wrong in my inner world.

Thus, if a person suddenly starts to get annoyed for any reason, it angered people or situations, you should try to deal with the inner reasons that cause these feelings. The difficulty is that often they are not obvious and badly perceived. And only purposeful process of immersion in their inner world and honesty to yourself will allow you to see the true causes of anger and frustration (how to love yourself I wrote the article).

Other people as a mirror

the Famous psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud has identified and described an interesting defense mechanism called projection. Its meaning that we ascribe to others the characteristics or traits that are within us, but which for various reasons are unacceptable to us. That is, we can't afford to admit the existence of any flaws, but just recognize them in others. And if these features are unacceptable to us and it is unbearable, then, most likely, is what causes us irritation or even anger. That is why we experience unpleasant emotions, identifying these qualities in other people. What to do in this situation? Try to honestly look inside yourself and find the negative traits to work with them.

Always or sometimes?

Let's deal further. People hate you always, or just now? If always, let's understand that it is unacceptable to you, how is it you so catchy and annoying? What couple of his character or behaviors are on you like a red rag to a bull? Try to make a list, and carefully analyze each item.

If people hate you just now, but in General, you and him were always good and comfortable relationship. Refer to themselves. What with you now? Maybe you're upset about something or preoccupied? What happened to you today? At what point have soured your mood? Try to separate the person who is in no way to blame, from themselves and their life situation. Not crevices on it, and notice your negative feelings and try to direct them to the object that caused them.

search for the causes of irritation

If you feel angry at the whole world, and all around causes you irritation, the most important thing to do in this situation is to find the source. To do this, analyze the point at which you started to get angry. What happened then? What event or person made you angry? For example, the boss has asked you to stay after work. Or teacher called from school and said that your child is not ready for lessons. Or you are unable to wear with your favorite jeans in the morning, because you gained a bit of weight... Maybe you have not noticed, what at the time experienced a lot of anger and frustration, or do not admit to these feelings. But anyway, you have filled with them, and then in each subsequent event you will be subconsciously looking for the opportunity to Express their dissatisfaction.

Substitution of objects

Often, unavailable for aggression object is substituted for another, most affordable. For example, your boss who unfairly deprived you of the award and generally a very nasty person gives you a lot of negativity. But to Express their dissatisfaction with him and the tension is impossible (because the work is important to you and you don't want to lose her). All day at work you hold back your negative feelings and tension, and coming home I break on loved ones, for strength to endure anymore, and irritation breaks out. One small issue, and you will not stop. A familiar situation? Try to give yourself the ability to switch, take more time to separate contexts. Walk from work to home on foot, get some fresh air, or go on the road in a couple of stores. Or, come home, take care of their loved ones, explain that you are in a bad mood and you better not touch.

Thus, it is important to find the cause of the anger and focus on it, possibly expressing negative feelings to the object to which they are addressed.

Unmet needs

Irritation and anger can often arise in response to needs that for some reason can no longer be satisfied. For example, you come home from work, stuck in traffic, traveling ahead of the cars are moving very slow and every traffic light you find yourself under the red light. Your irritation grows and you start to get angry on the narrow broken roads, a large number of cars, drivers who barely go, traffic lights, who do not understand how to set up... Listen to yourself. What is your need at this point are not fulfilled? It is obvious that you are tired after a long day of work, and all you now want is to quickly get home and rest. The need to stay locked, hence the irritation, discontent, anger.

How to cope with irritation and anger?

1. The expression of negative emotions: you do not need to keep anger and irritation, otherwise they will destroy you from the inside. Though sometimes you need to vent accumulated anger and stress by selecting the most suitable and safe for other people method, for example, beat a pillow, tear paper, to shout loudly in the woods or other secluded place.

2. Sports: exercise will allow you to give the output voltage you have accumulated, and at the same time raise the mood, will allow switches to bodily sensations and to the same bonus you will get a trim figure.

3. Switching and relaxation: try to distract from the object of their irritation and negative thoughts about it at some pleasant pastime or hobby. Take a hot bath, breathe deeply, listen to your favorite music or watch a good movie – your goal is to cause positive emotions and lift your mood (see the article "How to cheer yourself up?").

4. Sex: physical activity plus pleasure and positive emotions – what else you need to reduce the stress and to forget about your irritation?

5. counseling: if to cope with raging anger and irritability is not possible, then please contact psychological consultation. With the help of a psychologist you will be able to find the root causes of negative emotions and get rid of irritation and anger.

Love yourself and don't let anger and irritation defeat You!

With care Irina Meshcheryakova.

Irina Meshcheryakova
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