he taught me to fight, they learned to manage, but he still kills and maims families. Many who coped with cancer c, life is divided into before and after. Psychologists have determined that each patient, from diagnosis to completion of treatment there are several challenging stages. He is treated and learns to exist in the new environment.

what can we do mother?

How to behave with the patient to help or at least do no harm?

despite the fact that the problems the person faced with cancer, has long been studied and systematized, every sickness, and every person is unique. And each requires a special approach. However, we can give General advice for loved ones, how best to behave, if your home, your family came to this trouble. Consider these recommendations in accordance with the stages in the psychological status of the patient. To the extent that, as he lives these phases have to adjust their behavior and the household.

phase of the Shock: to show warmth and care in this period

the Shock experienced by every person when he hears the diagnosis: "cancer." Even if suspected, even if it seemed to him that he was ready to such turn of events. Reactions are different: people faint, cry or just freeze up and cease to hear and see everything that is happening around. At this point difficult contact with reality. Inherent stun psyche, a slight dullness. It is important to support and give some time to this information to perceive. At this point, it is vital that the neighborhood was close. The patient at this time does not need moral and physical support. To help get to the house, cross the road, climb the stairs. In a state of shock human consciousness is narrowed, so do not try to appease, to persuade, or to discuss something with him. He will not hear and will not understand. All that I can do close is to monitor safety in the home, to offer food or water and wait until the shock wears off and people begin to respond adequately to the environment. Usually this period lasts about ten days.

phase of the "Anger and aggression": allow me to be angry, but don't be angry with yourself

as soon As people realized what was happening, the stage of protest or anger. Hopes and life plans. Very often patients are experiencing in this moment a feeling of great injustice and deep anger. This anger is directed in out - of loved ones, doctors, society as a whole, God, the fate of the world - and at himself. It's time for support, let them know that you are near, what you are against him. Sometimes unjustly accuses his family, can say things that hurt, to provoke family quarrels. Be prepared and do not respond to aggression with aggression. It will soon pass. The majority of patients in this period trying to get alternative medical examination, hoping that the diagnosis will still be incorrect. Sometimes it is necessary to leave the person for some time alone, give him some time alone with him. About the phrase "Calm down"! or "don't worry!" it is better to forget. To survive in this phase. Only after this phase, he can move on to the next one.

Phase: "Bargaining": become an ally in a patient's life

Then there comes a time when the patient is trying to negotiate with fate. Ask yourself questions: "Why I do this?" "What I've done wrong?". Attempt to negotiate with himself, with his illness, with God. Often in this phase, the person starts to believe in God. It is important not to oppose. Let him go to Church. There is nothing wrong. People have changed their Outlook, is beginning to justify the disease and look for advantages. Trying to change relationships with others and with ourselves. Someone release your inner child and begins to kink. Someone is trying that for a long time wanted to: go learn to dance or to sing, to paint. Don't stop. Don't make fun of new Hobbies. Don't deny faith in something, even if you disagree. Maintain the patient in his active life as possible participate in it with him. Through acceptance, trust, understanding that occurs with it, you can save the relationship. If health allows, offered him a ride, go somewhere together. In life behave like before the illness. One should not unnecessarily take care of the patient and to blow a speck of dust. This could start to annoy him. In talking about the disease can bring positive examples of successful fight against it. But from the gloomy information to protect the patient better. After all, it's someone else's pain and someone else's misfortune. What project?

phase of the "Depression": allow me to be sad and complain.

May experience suicidal thoughts and intentions. It is therefore important to be near, but not physically to control it and to protect it, and to make it clear that you're available, to show respect despite the fact that he was in serious condition. Treatment was delayed or did not bring the desired effect. Man withdraws into himself. He lowered his hands. You need to be vigilant, attentive to changes in mood of the patient. During this period, he usually doesn't want to chat with friends or colleagues. Next to be only the closest, whose task is not just to observe and try to participate. Gently, unobtrusively. Better, if possible, to make it so people have shared their thoughts and fears. No matter how strange they may seem, try to understand, not ridicule or criticize. Sometimes relatives say that it is impossible to be sad, but be sad in this period was that there should be internal work on rethinking of values in full. Allow yourself to cry and grieve, if that is his wish. Without it a difficult process to go in the resource, a resilient condition, which is the phase of “Acceptance” is almost impossible. Avoid hypocrisy, and that will make you unnaturally optimistic. Phrases like: "Nonsense! Everything will be fine!" is not what is needed at this stage. They are good, when optimism comes from the patient, and not when he is being imposed. With jokes on the theme of disease also need to be very careful. Irony and humor — but only if this style of communication chosen by the patient. In all other cases the soft part. Ask, how are you doing, to offer help.

Phase: "Acceptance": start a new life together.

It is the acquisition of wisdom. The crisis could provide the impetus for internal growth and development. You receive the ability to enjoy non-material things and life itself, regardless of how much is left of this life. A person begins a new life, rejoices in the world around, has goals and plans. Is the awareness of their true needs, branch of the important from the unimportant. This is a time of spiritual growth and positive change in the human soul. Your mood must be in tune. To understand the processes that a person undergoes, will help 3 tool is respect, patience and interest in his personality and emotional state. Time to exhale and enjoy life.

These stages do not always go to the established procedure. People can stop at any one stage, or even to return to predyduschuyu.

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Link to my article.