In popular psychology a lot written about desire: that desire is important and useful. Allow yourself to desire. Do not cling to desires, let go of them. Write down and forget. Allow them to be. But in psychotherapy there's a good explanation of why the individual is not always easy to do, and that is the inability for something to be.
What is desire? In the psychological dictionary is an experience characterized by a more or less conscious idea of the desire to commit any act (action). It is an internal desire to improve the quality of your life.
Desire is more than a thought or purposeless imagination. The desire contains the blocked feeling (affect) and the component of force (from the perspective of existential therapy). If the sense is blocked, the person can experience own desires, and the whole process of expression is eroding. Not accidentally give emphasis on the word private, since the desires of others is often a comply with enviable success.
If to return to childhood and to analyze the situation in the past, tomono be noted that any impulsive manifestation of the child if the parents tried to suppress the will of the child becomes burdened with heavy guilt, as all the desires experienced by them as evil and forbidden. Such an individual can not decide, because he feels has no right to decide. The child is so afraid to be left by a parent, suppresses any direct expression of personal desires. He does not allow himself to desire, as if his desire was irritated by others or pushed them away. In adult life, such conduct may be repeated again. Exists scenario if the parent-to-child broadcast the message: "don't You dare to be yourself; you can't be yourself; you need my presence to exist." during the development of these individuals through any free expression of choice as forbidden, since it represents a violation of parental regulations. In adulthood the important decisions provoke anxiety, originating from the fear of separation and guilt in a crime against the significant other.
In the course of working with clients found such internal installation "If I never wish, I will never be weak," "If I never wish, I'm never disappointed or rejected", Or other just hide their desires from their own eyes in the childish hope that a Someone can read (guess) their desires instead.
the Ability of a person to want automatically aktiviziruyutsya when he is made to feel. If man's desires are based on something other than feelings, such as rational thinking or social orders – it is not desires and "shoulds" arising from the need to do so. The person is blocked from communication with his real "I".
Towhich there are destructive forms of desire?
Often people (and I'd have to watch in a group or in training) put the feelings and desires in a subordinate position in relation to the pragmatic goals, explaining that the following mental wording "If it is not happening anything useful, why do you ask and why you feel"? Remembering myself, I too used this principle – what to desire, if from the point of view of the mind and logic is useless. An individual of this type is valid and has an inner sense of leadership, but he does not want to. His desires are suppressed, as it is focused on the external situation, rather than on internal processes. His inner state of desire or feeling is determined by external environment the needs and requirements of rationality. Such behavior of the individual may seem mechanical and predictable.
Another option – these people are especially noticeable in a therapeutic group – trying to establish what he ought to feel or want, on the basis of what the OTHER wants, and then to indulge it different. These individuals are not spontaneous and their behavior is extremely predictable, and therefore, they inevitably get bored of the others.
There are the type of people who abandon desires, if you do not feel support or approval from significant people (in the therapeutic group on the part of the therapist, the family – partner or parents).
Another option could be the speedy abandonment of desires, if the environment (group/community/society) against. Here of course you need to check the mechanism of projection. But from the perspective and opinion of the client – if the environment does not approve – and I'm not going to want it.
Another popular option – when a person for many years does not trust his feelings and underestimates their importance (due to the underlying injury). For them feelings and false truths, and they should not be trusted. In the Foundation - fear of a repetition of injury, fear of contact with traumatic events.
What to do?
Recall from the words of the founder of the famous areas in psychology Gestalt therapy F. Perls: "Lose your head and come to the senses."
In my opinion, overcoming of difficulties with the problems of desire – copes Gestalt therapy, which we offer to the client during the session to draw his attention to what he does in the present, in the course of the session – it is here... be aware of your gestures, your breath, your emotions and your facial expressions as well as his urgent thoughts."
I come to the aid of the crown three questions that can move the "ice excess" and to achieve tangible effect:
"What are you doing now?"; "What do you feel?"; "What do you want?"
Psychotherapy patients with blocked feeling very time-consuming. Most importantly, the therapist must persevere. Over and over again he would have to ask the same questions and again he should turn to the study of the source and nature of the block and suppressed feelings.
the Feeling is a prerequisite for the desire, but not identical to him.
once on the group, one participant (let's call him A) said that he has no feelings and desires and acts upon, as necessary. And masterpiece the phrase, another group member (call him) just turned the perception on this process. He () asked: "What are your feelings when you ask about your feelings?" At this level, the participant (A) has been able to experience many sincere feelings and desires, given a powerful impetus to the awareness of feelings. Indeed, some people are so isolated from their own passion, their contact with their inner world is only physical and physiological signals, for example, "I must be sad when I have tears in my eyes" or "I must be embarrassed if you blush".
Freud many years ago pointed out that the imagination is a desire; a study of fantasies, spontaneous or directed, is often a productive technique for the detection and assimilation of desire.
it Turns out that desire is the question of responsibility and maturity, and awareness. And this again work on yourself and your difficulties, again way you grow, naturally psychological.