do You think that incest is a rare phenomenon? About it just not to say. The theme of incest rarely raised even in individual therapy, afraid to stir up deeply hidden pain. Memories can even be erased from memory. "I don't remember anything from my childhood" - often these words are indirectly reported ousted from the consciousness of incest. However inaccessible to consciousness information does not disappear, she quietly poison to its owner, manifesting itself in phobias, panic attacks, inability to build relationships and other symptoms.
As a rule, superseded by events "pop up" unexpectedly, occur when the credibility of the psychologist.
And in our therapy with Ulyana the moment came when she was able to speak about incest with her father. Once it became obvious the cause of her fears and global mistrust in relation to men
. For a consultation Juliana brought a drawing made of the house on a large sheet of drawing paper. She called his drawing "the Horror of incest".
- I don't know what I've painted here. Just allow the hand to withdraw all that I wanted. Drew and roared...
OLE Offer to take on the role of each element of the pattern. The girl chooses to start with the drawing home.
- the House where I lived since birth. All bloody, didn't want me. Father's house, which allowed the violence. From a normal house, and inside horror. Wall make cries inaudible.
- And this picture of a ruptured ovarian. The ovary burst, because the woman didn't want children. This is my mom, she had lots of miscarriages. I accidentally found out that she, too, suffered sexual abuse from his father. Egg fly, because there is fear, and suddenly the child from her father. When married, the miscarriages continued, such as purification, sacrifice.
Finally, my mother gave birth me, birth was very difficult. Probably she did, because he was afraid to return to the parental home, where he was allowed incest. Her mother pretended that notices nothing, she thought, "Think to survive". In her family she too had a similar story.
the Pedophile, like the worm, which seeks to swallow the eggs to raise their own importance. Waiting for the worm to crawl into the nest and eat the eggs – someone else's life. Afraid to hatch from eggs and climb out of the nest. men
– a worm has no understanding that he is a man, he has no support from his parents and no own paternal responsibility for their children.
Black line in the middle of the picture – the secret. Slanted stripes going from the black line is the memory about the girls, survivors of incest. This post was a family tree that separates men and women and carries a message to the women: "With men it is impossible, because they are rapists, pedophiles, animals, maniacs."
a Dead rotten fish in cellophane package, which was one of the skeleton – a disgrace from which to rot. Whatever happens you need to talk, because victims of violence are ashamed and afraid to speak. I was afraid to tell the truth, I was afraid not only for themselves but also for their parents. I knew that if I told mother, she will pretend not to believe me. If I tell someone outside the family, will expose the truth, dad'll kill yourself because it's impossible to face universal condemnation, guilt and shame to live with...
this is what happened with the father of my classmate. When her mom working in the hospital was the night shift, the father was forced to have sex in one of his two daughters. Once "free" the girl slipped out of the house and called for help, his uncle – mother's brother, he suddenly ran into the house and found dad on the scene. Father planted. And the next day it became known that he hanged himself in prison. With the guilt and shame it is impossible to live...
- who is responsible for incest? The girl or her father, who is for adults a man?
I understand that the responsibility belongs to the father, but he's not taking it.
- Even if he doesn't, it is still the responsibility belongs to the adult and not the child. Adult person responsible for his every action. If this adult, in the choice between shame and death, he prefers to take his own life is a manifestation of his responsibility, his choice.
I hear you, I agree that the responsibility for what happened belongs to the adults – my parents. Father, who is unable to control their instincts and mother who condoned it. I want to break the pattern, for me it is a release of liability for what happened to me in my family.
Breaks the picture into small pieces.
- you're an adult Now and am responsible for my life. If necessary, you can say No, can ask for help.
- When I get it, I like drops a huge load, it becomes even easier to breathe.
the Child expects from the parent of compassion and protection. But, not every parent is able to pity and protect. In families with incest, the parents only mean adults, inside they remain traumatized children. Only increased their body. These children, at an early age was setting, their feelings, desires, and they themselves mean nothing. If you want to survive, shut up and do what parents need. So this setup goes from generation to generation. Growing up traumatized child treats their child like they treated him in childhood.
In the treatment of the trauma survivor of incest, learning to perceive a new himself. In the complex and lengthy process of work is changing his behavior, attitude towards others, and hence their own quality of life.
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