it so Happens that not only do we compare ourselves with others, but with yourself: it is important for us to have harmony within ourselves between who we are and who we want to be, who you want to be. Sexual relationship with a partner is a way of self-knowledge. For example, the reluctance of women to dress themselves, pay attention to how she looks in the process of foreplay, denial to buy a beautiful silk underwear can be interpreted as a way to avoid issues of low self-esteem, a way to reject their femininity in the sexual sphere.
Many men like the elusive woman, like a mystery that never to understand, only to touch her for a while. And like the woman attractive, they ask for the lady of the heart "buy yourself erotic lingerie", which often receive the criticism and depreciation of this male impulse. This is because they are uncomfortable in this way, someone says that he feels that a gift or use it as a beautiful thing, someone just poured unbearable sense of shame, in any case, this is an innocent offer to bring to the sex life is something romantic and new, poured into the crack in the relationship, instead of enrich and fill a couple.
To sex was a joy and pleasure requires courage and motivation of both partners. It is important to appear in the adult game, not hiding your desires and fantasies, overcoming fear of evaluation by the partner and leaving the vicious circle adjust the other. Now human consciousness attacked by an aggressive array of information about how this is supposed to be "what is right". And here collide two worlds – male and female, and everyone has their own ideas and expectations about what intimacy in sex. Often this kind of closeness associated with the adoption of stable and positive reflection from the partner. It seems that the sense of values and integrity can only be obtained through another, not yourself. And this creates a dependent relationship when the status and sense of identity, one closely connected with the response of the other. In such a pair, sooner or later, it becomes crowded and stuffy. People describe it as "I'm losing myself, I dissolve in the other." In such cases, you often have panic attacks.
In therapy we learn to expand your perception, is aware of parental attitudes concerning the relationships, learns how others live pair, as they are arranged. When people have expanding cognitive map, they with amazement asked a brilliant question "and that, so how could you?")))) Then according to the degree of readiness of each they create a new understanding of intimacy, they recognize that proximity is not only about unconditional acceptance and a guarantee of stability and emotional security, but about freedom, about the dynamics and development, even in something about anxiety. In true intimacy, popervosti, we feel very helpless and vulnerable, because we are your true desires, thoughts, feelings, my real self, but this path leads to a deep, close relationship between partners.
the Entry on counseling in family therapy and individual work here.