Hello, dear reader! You with a different intonation could read the title and suspected something, so I will report on their feelings, invested in the question in the title. The pain, sadness and sympathy. Why? I hope it will be clear, when you read this text.

Periodically on the forums or in journalistic texts sounds the complaint and the accusation that "our people" cannot be trusted. You should always double-check and be insured, waiting for the catch. Anyone can have a malicious intent to deceive. To keep the word as it were, and not so scary. Well, the conclusions from this very unpleasant in General. Until the significant reduction of the growth potential of the country, no less.

Such conclusions are justified. The trust is considered to be one of the important components of fruitful cooperation. Write about the leading economists, marketers, scientists. You can search lovely quotes on this subject, and you can just imagine how much may increase the price of the product in money, effort, time-consuming, if you do not trust the seller and begin all-all control and protect? Something useful to do might not be enough time nor resources.

Well, what's the psychology? - ask the attentive reader. Here's the answer. Even more than you can imagine. And I will consider here only a small piece of the problem.

Remember the popular statement about the fact that time heals? So says the so-called common psychology. From the grandmother said. And it seems she was right, because previously experienced shocks of course sometimes remembered, but emotion is not the ones. It is not so painful. And something too scary, we may forget completely. Genuinely talking, even people who saw it - no, it was nothing! Yes, and it could not be, are you? Well, maybe not so radically, it is still a rare case, however, the details of the "clean up" our subconscious mind very much.

this mechanism is Called displacement. Serves to protect the psyche from overloading. If you compare with the computer removes the file from RAM and puts the files on the hard disk. Find course you can, but it takes effort. But everything else, not so traumatic, just a succession of passes through the RAM, which is engaged in the processes right now, too, and is thrown off in long-term memory.

That is all our experience, all the experiences, good and bad, is not going away. They are with us our entire lives. Here I will offer another comparison. Imagine the picture: a person lives his life, and every significant event lays at his feet a stone. No, not block construction which are the right shape and easily fit on each other. They come across all sorts - large and small, round and spicy, strong and very... during the life of this pyramid is growing, and growing, we are the height of my experience, it seems, can see wider and further appreciate their experience, proud of it, but...

the Balance... the more "stones", the great wizard need to be to maintain balance. Approaching the next "age crisis", it is possible to detect that more than anything and do not do, only care about the balance on these stones! And Yes, no cure. It only makes it so that experienced event turns into stone in our pyramid.

Why I chose this metaphor to talk about trust? And of course, remember that the processes that helps to understand this comparison, are mostly unconscious, we do not notice nor his pile of stones, nor anyone else's, especially at a time when, for example, agree on the solution of a current task (at one time "fashionable" for "throw" on the ordering of furniture, and wardrobe. If you will think about the "stones" of the artist?) And here, you are standing, is the other person in front of you, balancing, and some of you are trying to rely on the other... neither one of you works in the circus! Just try to imagine that!

Now you know why I am full of sympathy and sadness in telling this story?

In control theory is the thesis: on hard leans, on the soft, can not, will fail. Describes the principles according to which, for example, information would be considered "hard" or "soft". The tough tasks of control theory to psychology also apply, but with its limitations. Psychology, perhaps more about life and doesn't erase the "useless details", not just "throw". But psychology would be worthless if it did not give ways to improve the situation.

About what in fact these "stones"? What exactly are they so complicate the lives of each person?

Emotional accommodation of one or another significant event has its phases and patterns. The phrase about the private Gestalt from the same Opera, but it is not so clear. Why no cure? Time as such does not provide emotional stay the way it cares for example about the ripening fruit. The plant is in this sense self-sufficient. You just have to wait to hatch the kidneys, you will see the flower, the ovary will develop and Mature in the sun the fruit. And he, not being in demand, just drops from the branch and will not be a problem for the tree. You can not say about people.

To our experience was more similar to masonry, durable and petkou, we need certain conditions in which prickly, sharp "stone" becomes a building block. And sometimes crumbles into sand. To make it happen, to live the emotion, to live it fully. This requires both knowledge and sympathy, help the environment. Also works psychotherapy, referring often to the "stones" laid in the bottom of the human experience.

For the same reason, do not work other similar "tips" everyday psychology - forget it, forget it, concentrate, do not pay attention. Yes, you'll forget, but... just Imagine yourself balancing on the mound of variegated stones. If you're ready to spend their resources on balancing it? And then pay attention to what you actually happening. Allow yourself to feel what you feel. I'm afraid that will not cope, ask for help. It is not a shame. Worse to be a man, lacking confidence, and to live in a society where no one trusts anyone.

Tutcheva Tatiana
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