these days to me for advice addressed the young woman – wife and mother of a small child. The problem, I must say, quite common: she married because she got pregnant, the relationship with a man, and before marriage was not very good, to marry her, he clearly did not intend, after the wedding gradually began to get worse. The client admitted that pregnancy for her was the way she wanted to keep her beloved. She hoped that he would be able to awaken tender feelings to her, and the child will not let him leave her. However, it turned out that everything went in a completely different scenario. And now he moved from her back to her parents, she avoids contact with her and does not seek to see the child.
Perhaps such stories can be seen not enough. The consultation was a couple, also married because his wife is pregnant, but the man was potentially ready to create family with a woman, though not so soon, but such intentions were. Their relationship started after the marriage to deteriorate, there were thoughts about the divorce.
Working with these families, I noticed one feature: the woman, realizing that she used the pregnancy to encourage men to marry her, could not end up to be confident in my husband. She began to suspect him of infidelity, jealous for any reason, angry at the lack of attention to himself, his coldness, was offended by the unwillingness to educate the child and care for him. She tormented herself with doubt and suspicion, and her husband claims, demands, scandals, insults and accusations. All this happened because she knew that consciously went for the deception, a trick, to preserve the relationship. She knew that marrying her was not his conscious choice, his decision, not his desire, and the step that she made him do.
Men, married for such a reason, in my consultations have noted, felt like the woman it was framed, was forced to do something he had no intention. In the spectrum of their feelings and emotions towards a woman they had virtually nothing positive. On the contrary, many have noted the disgust, hostility, aggression, resentment.
Several times had to counsel couples when the situation was the opposite: a woman who became pregnant wanted to abort and had no intentions to marry with a man, but he has declined to create a family, and she sought over time this marriage to end. In such pairs already man began to torment his wife with suspicion, jealousy, demands attention and warmth toward yourself, accusations and scandals.
Obviously, none of the described scenarios are not able to make the marriage happy and strong. And at the same time, marriages, namely, as they say in society, "shotgun" may be happy. There are such examples. What distinguishes these families from those that fail?
Generally this question can be answered as follows: is the position of "I have to hold in whatever was the" woman in the position of "I want to cause his love to me." The last position is embodied in that woman wants to be loved and cherished, to be a wife and a friend, not a tyrant who locked the man in a cage and demands that he loved this cage.