Is there a rule at self-flagellation?


There is a lot of information about how to properly criticize, not less, about how to take criticism correctly. This information is important and very much needed. But above all, I want to draw attention to the following: the rules of criticism apply not only to our communication with other people, they affect our communication with you.

If we really wanted to engage in self-flagellation, pay attention as you build a dialogue with yourself as you praise yourself (and praise?) and as abuse. If you are not forcing themselves to defend themselves?

If more, let's take a few common rules of constructive criticism and applies them to himself:

Criticism should be focused not on punishment, but on the termination/prevention of those or other actions. br>i.e. when we have done something/not done, scolded himself, but still continue to do so, then: first, scolded in vain, and secondly, the us is doing/not doing for some reason need. For example, a person's late every morning, he scolds himself for what he slept, long was going to later come out.. berates Honestly, sincerely ashamed to themselves and others. The next morning, once again late. And the next. And again. It is worth considering, perhaps to scold, and delay – part some of his values or beliefs? Then it makes more sense to work with conviction and not blame yourself.
If you start for something to criticize, think, forces you to change the situation and whether you want to change it. If the answer to both questions is "no", then what's the point wasting energy on self-flagellation?

Criticism should be timely.
do Not remember the event "of bygone years", which is already impossible to influence. If the event is still remembered, it would be nice to think that our "here-and-now" resonates with those events and lessons to learn. But certainly there is no benefit from phrases like, "why do I 7 years ago listening to mom/dad/aunt Mary and went to be an economist, not an artist? What a weak-willed idiot" (the characters are all fictionalis)
We make choices every day, some of them were a mistake – admit it, accept it and move on.

Another point about the time. If you are tired, exhausted, you've had a rough day, put the self-criticism for later. In the morning, with a cold head, you will be better able to perform something from the past, their behavior and their feelings.

Start criticizing the best with words of encouragement. Whatever you have done, always will, for which to praise yourself. At least for not have done more. Find positive moments in any situation and begin its consideration with them, and then proceed to analyzing their own mistakes. And don't forget, "and a false step sometimes can bring to a new road."

to Talk about the act, not the person. Remember, you're OK. If you think that you are bad – this is difficult to handle, if your action is bad – here it is possible to do something.

you Should avoid generalizations. the Phrase "I always ..", "why I never ..?", "I .." is unlikely to help the cause. You are "always" and "forever." Certainly there are situations where you do not behave, which are different. Refer to these moments and see what helps you to not act like "always".

the Other rules are not going to list, I think the principle is clear. Be aware of yourself and your reactions. Try not to demand, to ask, to listen and hear themselves. Do not diagnose yourself, and to understand their motives and values. Allow yourself to make decisions and make choices. br>
Learn how to handle my own personality, and it will be easier to learn the same towards others.

Bityukova Natalia
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