Family life full of different events, emotions, experiences, expectations, they are joyful and not. Marriage may come easily or require a lot of effort, but what about when "happily ever after" ending? Unnoticed lost in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, when a couple is on the verge of divorce?
difficulties after a divorce equally have to cope both partners. But when the family system there are children, divorce and its consequences have their nuances, both for partners and for children in particular, but we will not separately address this issue.
When the family system is destroyed, all its participants are experiencing this event. Usually the family system to crumble long before the couple decides on a formal divorce, and some of it not solved at all, wanting to remain in the status of spouses, for different reasons.
the psychologist are treated as partners who want to keep mate that wants to leave, and those who initiated the divorce, but doubts the correctness of his decision, also come with proibi to the psychologist persuaded the mate to the decision to grant the divorce. Less likely to apply to couples that have stalled the divorce for them is considered as a way out of the vicious circle of disagreements. In General, the divorce process goes through several stages, but most often turn for help men and women, when the divorce paper is already decorated, and formally the problem is solved, but how to live they don't know.
the Main issues that bedeviled these clients is – how to live without a partner? what to do with feelings that don't fade? how to cope with loneliness? what did I do wrong? how do you begin again to trust people?
In fact, the person undergoing the divorce is in a situation of loss (grief), because a large part of his life was connected with the person who is now not actually present in his life, leaving only memories, things, places, friends in common, General obligation, reminding that the partner was an important part of life, which is now destroyed.
There are many approaches and models of divorce, but the most common are the classification of Elisabeth kübler-Ross, who initially proposed the 5 stages of grief, relating them to the situation of divorce and dialekticheskaya model divorce Maslow.
Dialekticheskaya model divorce Maslow includes family stages and desired therapeutic methods that are most appropriate at this time:
- Emotional
- a Time of reflection and despair in the face of divorce.
- Legal
- Economic
- striking a balance between parental duties and the right to the custody of
- the time of the study itself and restore balance.
- Psychological
the Difficult experiences are as predrassvetniy situation, the process of a divorce and of course ... post-divorce state.
After a divorce, the work is carried out with one client, who is filled with pain and despair, fears and concerns. He doesn't know how to live, how to enjoy life.
of Course, you first need to help the client to react to his emotional state, he allowed himself to grieve, to be angry, we need to support the client to experience emotional trauma. The final goal can be the achievement of balance, the establishment of an independent lifestyle, which will meet the wishes and needs of the client.
Accompanying the client at every stage of your stay ... post-divorce period, our objective is to provide the necessary assistance appropriate to the situation. Stage of protest may be accompanied by a fragmented, chaotic reactions (love, hate), we should help prevent the whole flow to help dissolve emotions and work them out. In the period of protest often clients need intensive moral support from the therapist, attention may be paid to the issues of self-regulation of human, so he could learn to cope with the surging emotions and impulses. The final goal is to achieve the stage of equilibrium when the customer accepts the situation, becomes accustomed to the reality where emotions are experienced and not cloud the view, the client is ready to realistically look at the situation, evaluating all advantages and disadvantages, to consider its role in a divorce situation.
Therapy after a divorce should help the client to achieve satisfaction with their lives, lead to emotional balance, particularly in relationship with the former spouse, it is very important that the negative experience of marriage was not generalizirovanny in the customer's mind. Addressing the original question of the article – is there life after divorce?, - the result of successful treatment of our client and should not be doubts that there is life and its quality has not declined, of course, there have been changes, but perhaps the conclusion of a new marriage that will satisfy both spouses and the result of this Union will not constitute a divorce.
Divorce can be different, it can be quite difficult and traumatic event, but it can be dealt with. Statistics say that on average the emotions of a divorce people have a 2-3 year term is not small, but in the end a person gets the feeling of well-being, makes his life enters into a new relationship. Anyone can do with their resources and support of loved ones, some need a qualified assistance, do not be afraid to ask for help, when it seems that the world around you collapsed and you are trapped alone under the rubble. In turn, the task of the therapist is to show the client that many couples are faced with a similar problem that many clients successfully cope with such difficulties, while not in any way devaluing the experiences of the client in this situation.
What advice can you give people who find themselves in a situation after a divorce? Maybe something will sound corny, but once again remind people that he is not alone, even that can have a positive effect when it seems that the earth went from under my feet and have no strength to go on.
If you are going through a divorce:
- Allow loved ones to support you, don't hide your feelings, give yourself permission to Shine and live the emotions that overwhelm you;
- the Loss of a loved one is lived as a complex and lengthy process, so taking care of yourself one of the correct steps, which you can do;
- Spend time with pleasure for you in the company of people with whom you are comfortable, where you feel safety and support. If you have meetings that can hurt you, actualize feelings, worry and anxiety, find the strength to refuse them;
- while Staying very important, but difficult feelings like resentment, disappointment, fear, pain of loss, don't let them fill the rest of your life, try to leave room for faith, friendship, joy, love and trust;
- Try to establish a new way of life without a partner, which will be satisfactory to you;
- Try suddenly to usher in a new romance, to numb the pain of parting, or fear of being alone. You can get a sturdy friendship that will not distract, and help in living out the emotions, give time to understand themselves and their desires;
- For support and help, you can appeal not only to experts, but also people who find themselves in a similar situation. Communication in the Internet resources, to specialized portals, attending support groups, talking with friends, who already was in a similar situation – all of which can ease your pain and to find new ways of your future life;
- If you absorb a sense of guilt, resentment, anger, frustration and mistrust that pervades your life and relationships, and you and your loved ones are no longer able to influence the situation, allow me to help yourself - contact a specialist.