"Jealous, it means love" – some say, funny finding the occasional flash of jealousy. "Jealousy has nothing to do with love" – others say, deeply resenting the slightest hint of jealousy. Anyway, jealousy is not a virtue.

Not trying to figure out who is right, let us look at the origins of jealousy. It is indisputable that if a person is jealous, the object of his jealousy is a close, very important man. Without it is not jealous, does not see or does not want to see their lives. Therefore, it is fear to lose this loved one and restore life to jealousy. Where is this fear, what causes jealousy and what can be done?

Often it happens that people themselves provoke jealousy. Sometimes this happens unknowingly, sometimes on purpose, thus trying, as it seems to validate the feelings of your partner. All anything, but then, when it tired of the game, they are faced with the fact that he created a "monster of jealousy", which he would be happy to stop, but can not. Consider whether to test love. If you do, then I'm afraid... of love.

However, most often, that jealousy as they say "groundless." Then the reason the jealous person. Jealousy in this case is considered already as a character trait. Sometimes I ask: "are You jealous?.."

Speaking of jealousy, how about a personal quality, it should be noted that it is associated with self-sufficiency of the individual, her self-esteem. Self-esteem does not promote jealousy. A self-sufficient person knows his strengths and weaknesses, and therefore knows and understands what he can expect. Therefore, if you are jealous, think about your self-esteem. Not overstated, not understated?

on the other hand, many ask, do not give cause for jealousy, why are they jealous? But who said that the causes of jealousy is in your current relationship. Maybe all comes from the past? It is possible that once in a relationship with another man, the jealous man has experienced "trauma" associated with betrayal, loss of a loved one. And now, linking its relationship with you, he's afraid to grieve again. So he just doesn't believe. Like the proverbial "scalded milk, water blow". If the causes of jealousy in the past, the present you should say jealous: "I don't know, how was your relationship with other people, but you can trust me, I won't let you down, trust me as well as I believe in myself." It is clear that these words must be true and not just words. Jealous, being suspicious, I note, feels false.

Both partners, and especially a jealous person, have to remember that the history of the development of your relationship has nothing to do with the past. Ask the jealous, betrayed him ever before. Most likely, he will say Yes. Then let him know that his former relationship - other relationship, and it ended long ago. You need to live life today. Help him to react (as it is called in psychology), experience is painless, with no losses and psychological trauma of the events that were in the past. This will cope better psychologist, but maybe it will be you. When the jealous become obsolete will react your past negative experience, then it will be ready in peace, without jealousy make new relationships. It should be remembered, and that traumatic events could happen, not necessarily with the very jealous type. It could happen to his family, friends or acquaintances when betrayed them, failed them. Identifying himself with them, he just thinks that this, or something similar could happen with him. The natural reaction to this protection in the form of jealousy, which is reflected in the fact that he "warns" (as it seems) it's possible betrayal. Do not forget that betrayal, etc. could not happen in reality, but to be the fruit of imagination. People fancied them and, eventually, began to believe it. It seemed to him that this will happen and, as a consequence of fear and protection and the desire for a sense of security.

Perhaps someone will say: "as you can tell, to prove and reassure? It has to do almost regularly, it's not working!" Well, the answer comes to mind one thought, which is as follows: "I want to live with me, first learn to live without me." So jealous also must to work on yourself. Appeal to potential Othello: have you thought about what to be jealous of another person it means, in fact, trying to control his actions (perhaps even thoughts and feelings)? But the answer, as you can control another person, if you can't control yourself, in this case your jealousy? If you're trying to fight windmills? There is another question. Why do you always imagine something bad? Remember how you start, once you start to think "something like that"? But as soon as you still something to imagine, what is stopping you to imagine something good for yourself and for your partners?

When a person is jealous, dealt with deep personal layers: questions of morality, honesty, integrity, worldview, and morals. All this falls under the blow of a possible betrayal. Therefore, the person is trying to protect not so much their attitude as their notions of decency, which may not coincide with those of another person. Jealousy in fact is an insult to the person who by their actions and deeds, we risk representation of proper behavior. It is not then your jealousy is an attempt to fit under their standards (a kind of "Procrustean bed").

Someone jealous would say that the reason for jealousy is. But maybe this was partly your fault and jealous. After all, there is a law that "action brings reaction". You know what would happen if a person say "pig, pig". Think about what constant jealousy can lead to what you feared and avoided ("thoughts materialists").

If you "dig deeper", then maybe somewhere deep down, subconsciously, the jealous man wishes what would his suspicions of infidelity were met. Why? He "wins"? Perhaps jealous confirming their claims it will have the moral right to dictate some of their terms to build relationships as it is convenient and profitable. But it will be done at the expense of humiliation of the partner. So people get jealous. And love here will not help...

on the other hand, if love is high and bright feeling, then how can it contain jealousy? So some say that love should not be jealous. When you love someone sincerely, you should trust him. But often love is basically selfish: we want to be near loved ones, loved one and afraid of losing him. So, as they say in cookbooks, "salt and pepper-to taste." Maybe a pinch of jealousy may be present in the relationship. The absolute lack of jealousy could mean either implicit confidence in the partner, or as you know, the lack of significant relationships. People just coexist together, but a relationship no. Here is a man and is not afraid to lose partner with him nothing to do.

Repeat briefly what to do with jealousy. The first is to raise self - esteem. Next, work on improving self-esteem (I have heard: "jealousy is not for me I'm better than that"?). It is necessary to develop trust, and first credibility. Of distrust in their own strength, there is a distrust of others. Hence the jealousy. Most importantly, remember: to beat jealousy. This is how to quit Smoking – someone did, and someone not.

However, jealous or not jealous, in the end, you decide. But I guess it makes sense to think about what jealousy is suspicion, and suspicion is distrust, distrust is a humiliation, but humiliation is always offensive. Respect each other! And be happy!

Nagoyev Budimir
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