There are many definitions of jealousy, but mostly jealousy is – fear of loss of power over the partner, the desire to have his time and attention. People experiencing jealousy going through acute self-doubt, distrust of a loved one.
Some people try to avoid feelings of jealousy, choosing a spouse of the person, in their opinion «nobody wants”, believing that it is not necessary to be afraid that his (her) lead. But in this case, disposal of jealousy does not happen, because we have to cope with feelings of inferiority.
What are the components of jealousy?
the Famous French politician of the XVII century and the author of the famous philosophical aphorisms Francois La Rochefoucauld argued that jealousy is only one share of love ninety-nine and a share of pride. Honore de Balzac, half a century later, said: “Jealousy in men is made up of selfishness, brought out, out of pride, taken by surprise and irritable vanity». The paradox is that often the family is the jealous spouse, who was himself in the highest degree is prone to adultery.
May get the false impression that jealousy is close to the feeling of love, but unlike love – positive feelings, jealousy – a dangerous phenomenon that can have a destructive effect on the relationship between a man and a woman. The famous phrase “jealous means that he loves” is not always fair: this behavior is often degrading toward partner and serves as evidence of the lack of self-confidence, psychological dependence on the partner. The feeling of love characterizes the sacrifice, the desire to give myself, happiness and attention to your loved one, jealousy, as selfish feeling.
Types of jealousy
Classic jealousy can occur when one person, consisting in a pair, feels mistrust to the second, and consequently, is experiencing a strong emotion, fear, distrust of the partner. Distrust can arise if one partner does not open up enough, prefers to hide some facts of his private life. Within reasonable limits such jealousy only supports the feelings and shows the presence of love between partners.
Alcoholic jealousy can be completely spontaneous and irrational. Compared to classic this kind of jealousy is more destructive, because people addicted accuses others of all sorts of sins just so he had an extra reason to justify the use of alcohol (or other object dependencies) as a means of stress relief.
Pathological jealousy – the most dangerous and difficult to explain. Usually occurs in childhood, and throughout life, it only intensifies and takes increasingly strange shape.
Pathological jealous in childhood may be jealous of the teacher to other children, at school – a teacher in the family – the wife (husband), etc. In moments of emotional outburst such person may present a danger to others. The reason for the violent reaction may be any: from careless glance to innocuous words. Here, we can talk about delusions of jealousy, the state in which the jealous man builds a scheme of the cheating partner and he is completely no doubting infidelity, suspicion replaced confidence, and to convince such a man with the help of objective arguments is not possible. Accordingly, measures against cheating are extremely sophisticated in nature.
How to cope with jealousy?
1. Don't forget that your partner – a person and has free will and choice, he (she) may have interests do not always coincide with your interests and personal emotions, feelings, experiences, dreams and life goals. So, try to find something for everyone, set out life goals, short term and long term, learn how to escape.
2. Ban on talking and asking about past relationships. If you cherish your relationship, it is not necessary to ask about his (her) previous novels. This gives rise to a future jealousy, which can easily become very painful.
3. Jealousy can arise where among partners living in a civil marriage, does not specify in advance the rules of the relationship. Often the woman sees them long and serious, and the man thinks himself free because he did not give any promises.
to avoid such a conflict, you need to clarify your expectations and partner. With this you can specify and mutual obligations.
4. As mentioned above, the basis of jealousy is often a fear of loss of power over the partner is involved in the self-doubt, dependence on partner, so consultation with a professional will help you to understand the situation, learn to build your relationship without restricting the personal interests of each other.