Article for the magazine "Mother in Italy" Mamma in Italia
when a Woman becomes a mother, does not lose its status as wife, girlfriend, daughter, Muse... a Woman always remains a Woman in every sense of the word. She is always beautiful, amazing and multifaceted, despite what is happening around her. In each of us - the vast expanses of the universe. Let us now, dear, try to find their inner resources for healing and filling his energy.
Many of my clients ask the question: “Why motherhood is often completely erases our individuality and we lose ourselves?” I Remember the moments in your life when “lost” her friends, who first married and then became moms. The most intimate, warm and friendly relations began to gradually fade away. At first I thought it was only for a while. Indeed, in the first months after birth the woman needs to recover, take some time, the kid grows up and becomes easier. But this did not happen! And responsibility in this situation is absolutely not on small creatures.
Let's talk about our maturity and responsibility for their choices. Think about why not all women after the birth of a baby forget about other areas of life? Why have a wife-mommy who has time to be creative, exercise their skills, open a business and inspire others?
Two years ago it was my turn to deal with these issues. And I am on my own experience I have experienced what it means not only to become a mother and give birth to a child abroad, in another country. When you're away from home and their roots, the difficulties multiply. No close friends that can help and support in such difficult moments. And here I faced a choice: to hang in postpartum depression alone with a baby in her arms or begin to move forward towards its next goal? Motherhood gives a woman so many possibilities!!! And we hide behind it to simply "to be a mom" and not to take responsibility for their own lives. We grow roots in your children, trying to make them an extension of you, oblivious to the fact that the child is a separate personality, and it is not our property.
for some women, there comes a time when you cannot distinguish, where the mother is and where her child is. Ask a mother how she's doing. What'll she say? Right, she starts talking about her baby. This is so touching. But sad at the same time, if that's the limit of conscious motherhood. What about you, dear mommy, you forgot about their other roles? At what point did you begin to sacrifice for their children?
Here are some thoughts often spin in the mind of the mother of the victim:
“Yes, I used to love to draw. But now there's a baby. No time absolutely”.
“Training? Are you talking about, now I can forget about it. When there is a child, it's impossible”.
“a New dress? No, all the best for the children. I'd better buy him a hundredth of a toy, which he'll play 2 minutes and forget”.
Trust me, there will be a good time for you. Even when the child begins to sit, he will eat, go to school, to University. And then mommy will find a way to hide the grandkids and will become a mommy in the square.
the woman, where her wishes and dreams? How often I hear calls for help, when after birth the mother begins to burn. “What to do and how to be? I feel so bad!” And this is progress. Because many just keep quiet and think that this problem exists only on them! So what to do in such situations, you ask? In fact the output is very simple: we need to talk about their problems with loved ones and share their feelings.
Step 1. Girlfriend.
Start with friends. They are in these moments is more important than ever. Remember how you were always close. Tell us about what's on your heart. Here don't need advice. It was more important to discuss the situation.
Step 2 nd. Men.
it is Important to describe your state to talk about their feelings. After all, men never lived such periods and they need to submit information in the expanded form. Try to choose to talk about good moments – for example, on a weekend when you both can relax and at the same time quietly talk during a walk or a family meal.
Step 3rd. Other moms.
Connect with other moms who have already passed this period, for example, “manskikh" of the forums or on a walk. They can share their experiences, how they managed to emerge victorious from a difficult situation of combining motherhood and a hobby, sport or stints. Then they can encourage you and motivate for a positive result.
Step 4th. Experts.
and of course, you will be helping specialists: psychologists, coaches and dowly who can provide expert feedback in a difficult period of motherhood. Look for the specialist who will be closer in energy in nature and you will select individual methods of working.
it is Not necessary to keep it all inside, to hide from problems and escape into your own world, because then it will be much harder to come back relaxed and harmonious state. And this is only the beginning, dear mommy! But even the first steps towards balance in different spheres of life can change a lot.
Anastasia Pestereva-Picone, psychologist, art therapist, leading games “gender and Gift”, “Sources of female power”, “the Meeting with him” and “the Goddess in every woman»