Как простить?

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to Forgive or not to forgive? That is the question. Forgiveness is a process that ends with the act of forgiveness and that internal psychological work, mental energy. In the green variant (i.e., relatively speaking, healthy, option, which does not cause harm to the psyche) the guilty party asks for forgiveness, the victim forgives. The process of forgiveness, at the same time, provide for compensation of damage, compensation in one form or another. Is it possible to forgive a man if he does not apologize? This process cannot be considered outside the context of relationship. The important point is the presence of damage. In an eco-friendly option of the aggrieved party (the party which caused the damage) inform the guilty party, and also of the amount of compensation and the desire to get an apology. The guilty party apologizes and reimburses the damage. After that the balance is restored and relationships are aligned. But, it's perfect. In life there's still a huge number of different nuances. Consider some of them. One of these nuances is the ability to hear another person "guilty" party may try to devalue the damage (no one wants to feel guilty). People may say "nothing special, you're imagining things", "mountains out of molehills", "you're too sensitive" and so on and so forth. At this stage they can come to a standstill and form an incomplete Gestalt which is placed a stone (or stone – depending on the intensity involved in this situation sense) stumbling block in their relationship. If the "guilty" party can hear the other and recognizes the damage, the process of forgiveness goes to the next stage - the stage of contract about the size of compensation. Sometimes a sufficient compensation for the injured party may well be the recognition of another party's guilt, acceptance of responsibility and sincere regret and remorse, as well as the words of forgiveness spoken of these feelings. It is important the presence of these feelings, because the words of the apology spoken without them are formal (it is usually clearly seen if we, of course, is not a talented actor) and the balance relations do not recover. Sometimes the recognition of the damage, feelings of regret and remorse and forgiveness are not enough. This raises the question of additional compensation, and its size. Will they be able to agree - also depends on the nature of the relationship between them, in General, from their ability to negotiate, as well as the value of these relationships for each of the parties. If they fail to agree, then their relationship again incomplete Gestalt is formed.

People may not go to the border of contact with others, that is the damage, but he does not inform another and lives the whole situation within himself. He had a feeling of anger, which he will be indirectly and not directly, as in this case, you will need to open and accept ourselves as the injured party that he may make, even to himself. If the parties cannot agree on compensation, then the anger that came from the victim at the time of damage will not be compensated and people will select it either indirectly or explicitly. Moreover, the indirect aggression is a substitute for compensation and also do not restore the balance in relations and open aggression leads to confrontation and protracted war with the escalation of the conflict.

there is another question - is it possible to forgive the other person if he does not apologize? The answer, in my opinion, is obvious - of course not. It is impossible to give something to another until, until he will take it. If the other person asks not answering my forgiveness I couldn't give him. And this is the essence of the concept of forgiveness. Forgiveness is a psychological phenomenon that occurs in a relationship of at least two people, so one person with this task can not cope. It can be anything: to take, to suppress, to forget, to "swallow", etc., but not to forgive. Despite this, the procedure of forgiveness can hold metaphorically with people who are either dead or they left to another city, country, etc., that is with no contact. When using this technique as "the empty chair" can be accompanied by a psychologist to carry out the procedure for forgiveness and to complete the Gestalt. However, if after this procedure, the person again comes in contact with the "guilty" party (e.g., he comes from another country), the stones of which were discussed above, once again "come alive" and have an requirement to rake them. It's like a funnel that sucked the energy.

Oleg Kropivnitskiy
2018-11-09
Статья выложена в ознакомительных целях. Все права на текст принадлежат ресурсу и/или автору (B17 B17)

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