does mother love her child? Does the right not to love? What about the children? Do not hang on them the label of "ungrateful children"? Why the "dislike" have to ask permission? And to whom you want to apologize? the
Putting hand on heart, for me, these questions are still, to some extent, remain open, so I invite you to join the discussion.
Under the concept of "love" I understand the following feels a deep affection, sympathy, arrangement, to be loyal, desire to care, protect, to desire emotional intimacy.
Before children it was customary to flog for a small offense. Then the situation improved a little, but today, we are seeing an inflection in the other direction - in a society dominated by child-centrism, extolling the cult of the child, and put his interests and desires at the center of life of the parents. So, if you deviate a little from given society requirements and not notice the sentence "the neglect of the needs and needs of the child", and for that and deprived of parental rights can. What are the consequences of these opposing trends? In the first case, the trauma and neuroticism in children, second - mothers. Now the number of a neurotic mom has reached epidemic proportions. They are hunted by the demands of society.
What explains these swings from one extreme to another? If you look from a global point of view, I think, partly, this is because there have been changes in the public consciousness and people attempting to make amends to his ancestors rushed to save the future generation. Well, if you look more locally, we can see that the majority of neurotic parents are the same children, whose needs were neglected. Such parents experience the desire to recast your children that lacked in childhood by him. Who suffers more question for me. That's just nothing to love it has. Is that not healthy, which for me is tantamount to a neurosis.
If a woman does not feel love for the child she feels like she committed a crime. And all its activity is directed "for the atonement of sin." Parents who do not love their children, are paying with guilt, which motivates to push children into different educational classes.
This uses the marketers, they are like sharks hungry for prey under the slogan "we know that you need your child to" swallow parent resources.
There is a feeling that in a society dominated by taboos on "dislike" having a cultural aspect and the memory of our ancestors.
One day, a mother emotionally rejecting her child asked if she loved her son, she, after a pause, replied, "he's brought too much trouble for me to love him". Does the mother have the right to experience these feelings? And the child? does he have the right not to love their parents, arguing. "there has been too much trouble from them, to love them". I once objected, "Is to love need a reason?". No need for that we just love. It comes from inside, from the heart. This internal energy with nothing to confuse. But what about when there are reasons for love?
If you take the healthy mothers, do not have mental States, and not in postpartum depression, you can see that many women do not love their children, and force them to do impossible, is also not to blame for that. At least "dislike" is not deprived of parental rights. After all, a parent can perfectly care of your baby. For example, a woman who became pregnant as a result of rape, found the strength to leave the child, and "love" it is not enough. It can be understood, this is too much pain.
I know and another example is when a father who could not understand why his wife does not love their child, he invented vices "Baby stupid", "rotten nature", "hypocritical", etc., to somehow justify his wife. Indeed, in his picture of the world did not fit that woman and his wife can not love their children.
just Impossible not to love. There must be reasons... So the way our mind – she always needs explanation and even the most irrational, but still explanation.
As for children, I think that children love their parents, even if there are good reasons not to love, because it is the inherent nature and necessary for survival.
In practice, many are faced with children exposed to psychological violence from parents. They sincerely said that they don't love their parents. But from the fear of being in an orphanage, they suddenly "love" them. Dangerous parents not to love. After all, some part of the life of the child is dependent on them. In this case, it is true that as parents were not poor, alcoholics, the child still loves them. This child is so fond of them that can afford to leave home or even from life, but to protect parents from the painful suffering that condemns them with his presence. Especially if it's obviously coming from the mouth of parents.
And what happens when these children grow up?
Suppose the child grew up. No longer dependent on his parents. There is no threat to survival. Whether he will continue to love them? I believe that when a child is in fear of death convinces himself and others that he loves parents, then being for adults, it does not have the need.
In each of us as they grow, are formed in different shapes such as the inner child. Someone he is happy and cheerful, and someone - downtrodden, and afraid once again to declare itself. We also have an inner teenager - rebellious part of us, or maybe someone he's depressed... what these figures depends on our past childhood experiences. We also have an inner parent, someone is criticizing and pointing a figure which dictates that it is dangerous not to love...someone he is loving and caring. These are our internal figures or subpersonalities in the course of life transformirovalsya. This requires psychotherapeutic work. So, the wounded children can heal, and not to love to love. Now, when the child became for adults, he is able to take care of your small self, who loved their parents no matter what. He can love and submit to him that once not received him mother/father. In this case, the need to love our parents lost.
Parents also should not kill yourself because they have no feelings for the child. There are reasons for that! It is important to understand that you are responsible for the health and safety of your child. Think about what You can give him in return? And this does not need to go to extremes. Just do not forget that there You are. Take care of yourself, and then the desire to take care of the child also appear.
Feelings is such a state that they can be, and then disappear, or they may not be, but eventually reborn. For love don't need reasons for something to dislike they are always there. If the child or parent does not like and/or doesn't even want to love is always about what the soul is wound. About the pain. About the fact that something inside is ruined.
Parents can love their children just for what they are, but children love their parents, even if there is a reason not to love, because it is necessary for survival. To love simply for the fact that there is no expectation (and the child they are always there and are linked to the vital needs) need inside to grow internally independent and whole.