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the Lack of healthy boundaries with others causes us to lose a huge amount of energy on trivia, anxiety, gives you the opportunity to manipulate us for their own purposes . This is because we do not always understand clearly that the responsibility, opportunity, responsibility, and what isn't. Those who can clearly defend their borders, usually say that they are able to put themselves.

What are these boundaries and what they need? The easiest way they are defined as the distance between us and other people. When setting boundaries, we first decide for themselves what behavior toward us is reasonable and safe for us, not destroy us as a person. Boundaries are not created in order to force someone to do something. We set for ourselves, and thus we show we are responsible for their own destiny, for what is acceptable and what is unacceptable to do to us. It is almost impossible to manipulate a person who is keenly aware of your personal boundaries and clearly marked them.

What kinds of borders we defend:

  1. Emotional boundaries are violated when we neglect our feelings, roughly spoken, poke, without asking permission (but waiting for treatment "you"), shout, insult, use profanity, allow yourself rude questions. You are responsible for your feelings, but also others responsible for your feelings. Healthy emotional boundaries protect you from getting to blame someone or to take someone else's charges to your account. And to feel guilty for someone else's decisions or problems and give unsolicited advice.
  2. Borders personal space. House the personal belongings, underwear. Work Desk, locker, computer, mug, the workplace itself. Examples of violations: someone without permission has guided you on the table order, without explanation, transplanted to another place in your absence using your computer. What do you consider your personal space which should be protected? Do you have in the house is a place where you can be alone together? Sort of coming into your home? Who would you like to see? The same applies to friends of your children: what room in your house is not open to guests? If guests remove shoes? Whether or not they eat and smoke in your car? All these are things that should be determined only by you as the owner of the house.
  3. term limits. Are violated when we are forced to sacrifice their personal time in favor of for example, working. Examples: the chief demands, that you sat up late at the office; that in the day everything was for the collective event (training, performance, marathon).
  4. Physical limitations. Each of us has his individual feeling of a safe distance between us and the other person (and with different people we have it may be different). The average social public area is 3.5 m, the business – 1-1,5 m, personal (with friends) – from 50 to 120 cm intimate – from zero to 50 see the Examples of violations: a colleague at the meeting you hugs/kisses, and you feel uncomfortable; the supervisor or a colleague during a call is too close. This includes sexual harassment.
  5. Bodily boundaries. Who is allowed and who is not allowed to touch you and how? Determine your own personal level, when sexual acts and touches comfortable. Only you determine what is valid and what is not, where, when and with whom. Stick to these boundaries and speak up when they are violated.
  6. Material border. What do you think is permissible and what is impermissible with regard to his ownership? What can you give? To borrow? How much money maximum you allow yourself to lend? Do you give strangers to use your car, clothes, apartment? It is defined only by you, and for different people these boundaries can be very different.
  7. Spiritual boundaries. What's important to you in life? What do you believe? As well as throughout the previous, these boundaries need to feel and realize when they go.
  8. Intellectual boundaries. Your values, opinions, thoughts. They are only yours. And everyone decides that he wants to share with others and what to leave unsaid. What do you believe? Can you listen with an open heart those who Express a different opinion, and at the same time, truthfully, without compromising their core beliefs?

Signs of healthy boundaries:
  1. Remember: "no" is the most basic border and a full, detailed proposal.
  2. If we want others to respect our borders, we have to respect their boundaries too.
  3. Border, about which nobody knows is not a border. We should really make clear to another what we want and don't want, what will endure and what will not. We also need to make clear that a violation of the boundaries has consequences.

Healthy boundaries are NOT...

  • are set for us by someone else
  • cause pain
  • are rigid and fixed
  • invade into our personality

I wish you all the events to choose yourself contact with ourselves!

Lyudmila Afonina
Статья выложена в ознакомительных целях. Все права на текст принадлежат ресурсу и/или автору (B17 B17)

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