One of the frequent questions to me prior to the work is the question of the timing of getting rid of problems. How long should one work?
I don't know. I don't know that when the first man calls me on the phone or texting. I don't know at this point its history, its life, the problem with which he wants to refer to me.
This is comparable in part with the question that I sometimes (much less often than now) hear from patients when I worked in medicine. "My stomach hurts, tell me, is it serious?" I don't know until you see this the belly with hands unless I ask the right questions and don't analyze what you hear, see, feel. Everyone is different, all bellies are different. Yes, it hurts, but the cause of this pain can be very different. And symptoms can vary.
emotional pain is no easier, sometimes harder, it can also be manifested in the body, but still different. In the belly of the king of camouflage - appendicitis, he skillfully mimics different diseases from sore throats to poisoning. Psyche, too, as can protects painful place, protecting, masking, distracting shifting attention to other "important" issues. To understand all this takes time. It's not just my time in the information gathering, orientation, and analysis of what is happening. This time the client is that I believe, to trust, to feel safe enough to talk about his important, sometimes embarrassing, painful, unpleasant. Someone time need less, someone more.
How to navigate in the possible timing of the work?
1. The longer a person lives with the problem, the probably need more time to work.
If divorce was a few years ago and the wound had not healed, you will have to work longer than if they got divorced a month ago and left "tails" from the relationship. Usually it is from a couple months to a year.
Old childhood traumas firmly grow in personality, the changes are considerable - we can talk about terms from six months to several years of regular work.
2. If the problem - situation, and is associated more with "I don't know technically how this happens, how things are done", the permit may be 1-2-3 for the meeting. Sometimes it's just "how it can be done". sometimes even about skill, some exercise.
If the problem situation is connected not with the "don't know" and "understand everything, but I can't", it could be about a completely different story, about personal characteristics. And then you have to deal longer. Because people on one side wants change, on the other hand, does not want tension, afraid of the consequences, etc.
the problem with timing is not simple and not unambiguous. No easy answer. But this does not mean that it is not necessary to ask it. Counseling and assistance to navigate, including this – prospects of work, timelines, what can be done and how it will happen. Don't be afraid to ask questions. The first meeting will almost entirely consist of them. This is an important point that should not be ignored. Fear that miss important? Write down questions on a piece of paper! In addition, any counseling, no matter the first or the tenth – is the ability to ask, to clarify, to share your concerns.
Personally, I love questions. Like to ask and answer them. For me, this is an indication that my client is an active participant in the process.
Yeah, I don't know to get started, how much time it takes. Sometimes in the process something changes, new circumstances, open, life events, and the timing of our work together can change too in one way or another. But I do know that if you do not start, do not risk to go to your changes, everything will remain exactly the same.
What to do with your life is up to you.
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