Hello. Are now in such a situation (head circle) : married 4 yrs, together for 11 years. Child 2G. I often had a swing in the relationship. And we went a couple of times for sure. The main reason is his aggressiveness. When he's on the emotions - the rudeness and crudeness, his middle name. At first I was silent on it, then decided (or rather my mom suggested-I say very emphatically) to Try different ways. Listen, be silent, respond, etc. For a while it was good, then the conflict again and again. And I caught myself thinking that he's also referring to himself. Got down to his level. But still signed. I then direct the idyll began. But as the child was a year— it's the realization-I'm not happy. Began moments of rudeness from threats. And started thinking about divorce. And then I had a lover. He's the exact opposite of her husband. And that's what I liked! But I constantly compare them. (already tired of it. Income MCH less than M, but runs a lot And it stops. I'm on maternity leave, do not know how to ask. The husband is not greedy on gifts and our life is normal, even very good. And here I am... without his work remained, with baby standards until I find you. And think about it constantly. I'm afraid to lose so let's say your current status, but am I really that materialistic?! Or is there something else. Also afraid that the new MCH a little bit greedy, because Of a poor family. Can't figure it out. And to understand what is really important to me, why so many fears Votig... Thank you.
You married a man you don't respect, and who respects You, this says what format of communication is now prevalent in Your family. Aggression, shouts, fights, thoughts about divorce and the feeling of unhappiness is that You are not happy in this relationship. The involvement of a third person in such relationships is a classic story. No communication to resolve issues and negotiate impossible, to communicate his wants and needs too, so for the emotions, feelings and sensations, which is not enough in the family You went to her lover. You, by the way, I see You see it as the opposite of her husband, both good and those that You don't like. So are the so-called splitting, getting different important resources from two different men - one money, stability, and comfort from the other's attention, affection and care. It is not one of them You are choosing for a fulfilling relationship, shuttling between two fires, and the head You is spinning.
as for the lover, You and he will not stay if you leave your husband because he is attracted to You only on the background. In a situation one-on-one attention and compassion will lose value, and the inability to earn will irritate more and more.
Well, in relations with the husband's money is a secondary benefit, the price that You are willing to pay and choose to do it in return for the humiliation, rudeness, threats, abuse, depression and feeling of unhappiness.
You are not materialistic, no, just as long as You make a choice in favor of this benefit at this price.
to Get out of this situation only one way - to take responsibility for their choices. To consciously choose the kind of life You want for yourself and your child until You choose to rassypaetsja between two unloved men.