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American psychologist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, who worked with dying identified 5 stages of accepting death. Later circuit, slightly modified and adapted, was used in the business, and in conflict, and when working with other, far less complex than the acceptance of death, difficulties. In General, the stages that Kubler-Ross identified are manifested in the accommodation of any loss-whether it be changes in the organization that need to be measured to the employees, or the spouses divorce, or departure of the matured children from the family home. Of course, the losing party in an important tournament - also a loss. Accordingly, we can watch as the athlete passes all these phases (or gets stuck on one of them).
Each phase has its own characteristics and peculiarities of the passage. At each phase the psyche performs its tasks of accommodation loss, and on how these tasks are performed depends on how effectively the person adapts to changes. The phases go in this order, not jumping, although there may be returns. The duration and depth depends on many factors, primarily the trauma of the situation and individual to individual.
so.
SHOCK. The first reaction to any negative event would sound something like: "can't be. This can't be!". The man refuses to believe that this is happening to him. The task of this phase to give the psyche time to recognize this new reality. The time required to complete this phase, of course, depends on the depth of the loss. If the death of a loved one, the time required is much greater than if the losing party in the city championship... If we are talking about a situation of loss, then the phase most likely will not occur after the signing of forms, and during the party, when we begin to understand how it will end.
ANGER. Changes are already recognized, but as they are not too pleased with us, the normal reaction would be anger or rage. These emotions can be directed at the opponent (not played fair, couldn't think straight, he was, of course, prompted, and in General he's a cheater), the organizers and judges (are unable to arrange lighting, quiet, good equipment, drawing some strange, etc.) and on himself: he is guilty (badly prepared, yawned a childish trap, generally can not play!). Anger at myself, anger at others is normal. There is little point in telling where it is more efficient to search for the guilty – people in this phase are not ready yet to adequately consider the situation and benefit from it. He is still in the heat of passion. Perhaps it is in this phase are the most violent reaction. And it is very important to keep a subjective (the Golden mean here does not happen) the balance between the fact that it would phase to live and react and that it does not hang for a long time. Meanwhile, what would not to suppress emotions in themselves, but not to quarrel with all around. It is very important that emotions got a way out. If this does not happen, then buried, unexpressed emotions will remain in our unconscious minds, getting us to tune in to the next batch. The way you need to look for each of us. But no wonder, for example, Japanese psychologists have come up with to make a bag with a photo of the chiefs, that the staff of the division could beat, relieve stress, go through a phase of anger and to continue to effectively work on. Mind and body are linked very strongly. Therefore, it is possible after a loss is helpful to walk intense walk or even a run, or beat a pillow, preferably by adding a statement (addressed to whom this anger). In General, the anger you need to RESPOND!
the Next phase of FEAR. In our case, it is rather a sensation of frustration. "What will happen next? After the loss of such an important points to fight in the tournament? Competitors because now you don't get it. Another tournament lost...". This phase also we need to cope with the situation. Its task is the rejection of the goals and aspirations that were previously to FIND a NEW
BARGAINING. Here begins the search for compromises. "Yes, I lost, but now has dropped down the draw and now opponent will be easier, Yes, and all black don't like to play", "tomorrow will take vengeance, and all will catch up." Sometimes this Phase can be observed not only after a loss, but in time to party when player has already realized the inevitability of defeat (this is especially the case in children). In this situation, the athlete starts a desperate time to think, to strain and to invest the effort, which had not previously invested. It's not just because he delaying the inevitable the change of the party, it is also a bargain: "if I start very hard to play, I'll be able to fix it!" Thus, our mind is looking to get rid of stress, the most simple way. The danger of this phase is that the athlete is ready to devalue the experience, "well, I think, lost nothing." And the job of the coach here (or the player if he is conscious enough) to prevent this. Here it is time to draw conclusions and analysis, in order to avoid typical mistakes in the future. Of course the exception here will be the situation of too much stress, when such a devaluation would be best.
SADNESS. An important phase. Sadness and frustration these emotions scare a lot of people to experience their unpleasant, but they have their value. They signal a person that something is wrong and something needs to be changed. Perhaps most importantly, that can benefit the athlete in this stage is the understanding that sadness in a situation of loss, this is NORMAL. I, as a coach, more frightening, when my students do not respond to a loss. Somehow it suggests: "guys, what do you have ambition?"
this phase there are two possible choices:
6A). Prolonged recession of level of the game. When the player just "foot down" and play out the tournament.
6b). INVOLVEMENT. The adoption of a new situation. Best option to continue playing as if nothing had happened, or even with more energy. Three questions that can help the athlete to cultivate the phase of engagement:
What possibilities I have in this situation?
can I these features be achieved?
is it Possible in this environment (with this team).
If you read the book zagaynova "Defeat", you may remember how he wrote about the fact that Karpov needed to "step back". This is about accepting the new situation.
If you have a persistent problem to get to the phase of "Engagement" after losing, try to understand at what phase you hang out? And what are you doing wrong.

If you suppress emotions, it is likely to be stuck at some phase, and accordingly will not be effective adaptation.
Well, for example, if you get stuck in a situation of Bargaining, then you may feel that if you found a winning after party (fast to parse, so to speak, waved his fists after the fight), it's okay to lose and did not happen. Then most likely no work on the bugs will not occur. (why? after all, everything is fine. well you "a bargain"). Accordingly, these mistakes will be repeated again and again.
But if you are scared of your own anger or aggression. Then you will try to avoid to experience a phase of Anger. Then it will occur unconsciously. And at some point may get the following, again unconscious, "the choice"* "when I want to win and lose, I get angry. Angry I don't want to. So do not will want to win.". Then you stop to aim high. Well, it is clear what the results might be without goals? the
*"select" - I wrote in quotes, because choice is what we do CONSCIOUSLY. This perhaps is one of the functions of the psychologist: to help the client regain their ability to choose consciously.

Efremov Denis, a psychologist, gestalttherapie, CMS and chess trainer

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2012-02-08
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