Male pain: dependent relationship...


In today's world a lot of men trying to improve their relationships with women, and in front of them is not an easy task. Every age has its stereotypes that are hard to fit to conquer a woman's heart: in the middle ages had to fight with the dragon, in the era of primitive society to bring to mammoth cave, now buy Iphone latest model. A men trying to match the stereotypes and expectations of his time trying to win the heart of any female. What do you want men in return? Yes, simple human happiness, love, affection, understanding, good and passionate sex, of warmth and comfort, an interesting mutual leisure activities, etc. (underline). Of course, every man is unique and wants their special happiness of their special relationship with a woman. Alone some men wither and suffer, experiencing a sharper age-related crises, without women's warmth and affection their world seems gray and empty.

However, even those men who are already married or in relationships are not always happy and you may experience any difficulties. According to the statistics of divorce and the issues that men turn to the psychologist, it can be concluded that the main problems they faced, the following:

  • the Betrayal of a partner;
  • Difficulties to survive divorce and separation;
  • Long search of the partner, which does not lead to a positive or lasting result;
  • Lack of understanding with the partner;
  • the Reluctance by a partner to have children;
  • Sexual problems and lack of trust in the intimate sphere; etc.

of Course, if you have relationship problems it's hard to blame one side, it often happens that each party contributes to this process. You can search and find a lot of reasons. I would like to focus on one of them, namely: absorbing the relationship. In theory, such relationships can be called dependent, codependent. Desire absorption may unconsciously be initiated from both men and women. In this case, it is interesting to consider the male aspect.

That could mean absorbing relationship? -Yes, the fact that the woman becomes to all men, and he lives with her interests, goals and dreams. Ceases to exist the pronoun "I", to the fore comes the pronoun "WE" and "US".

on the one hand, a man with a certain psychological warehouse development craves such a relationship, he lives in them, blossoms, he bathes and disclosed. However, these relationships pose a huge problem, when for some reason interrupted for one reason or another. Then to survive the loss becomes almost impossible, very painful, bitter, lonely.

In clinical sketches, the following describes examples of such relations.

Clinical sketch 1[1]. Male, 30 years old, comes to the psychologist with a problem that is not able to make a decision: should he remain married or to divorce, because the wife was cheating on him almost in front of him. He was always succoring her husband, all responsibility for relationship building, life took over. Model a perfect relationship for a man is to take full responsibility for the relationship itself, to be all things to women in order to make it more weak and dependent. When a problem occurs with a cheating man ceases to live a normal life and work, his life turns tantalising, when the beloved woman nearby, but to have it solely, and infinitely not. The man emerges depressive disorder, dysfunction of sleep, strong emotional experiences leave him out of life's rut, begins the abuse of alcohol. Psychological work has shown that in adolescence this man, and then he had to take responsibility for the family after his father's death in his eyes. The fear of losing a very close person told him that the need to control everything yourself, including all actions, steps his wife, who rebelled against this by promiscuity. While men have a very difficult, emotional suffering cut him to end the relationship he can't, and forgive the pain of betrayal all the more...

Clinical sketch 2. Male, 35 years old turned to the psychologist with a problem related to the difficulties of relationships with women. In this model a perfect relationship for him would be life with his wife and children in his own house, which should be surrounded by a high fence, so that through it no one could penetrate, desirable barbed wire conducted electricity. The wife should not work and only wait for her husband's home and run the household. All you need to do together, all weekends, holidays together, etc. Leisure apart forbidden. After a Frank conversation with the psychologist, it was found that in his childhood this man was lacking love and affection of the mother, it is never played, because a lot of work and would come home very tired. Of course, many children lack affection of parents, because most parents work and are unable to pay their children 24 hours a day. However, in this case, the coldness and the absence of her mother was so prosterous that the boy was afraid that mom will go again. So the wife definitely needs to be locked up behind a high fence with barbed wire. For many years this man is trying to establish a relationship with women, but they leave after six months and not giving him any affection, no love, no sex. For example mother...

opinion of the psychologist on the clinical cases

Learn to build healthy and safe relationships is no easy task. If they are not taught the parents by their example, very difficult to then have to fix something. But difficult doesn't mean impossible! Interdependence can be very attractive, on the one hand. But it makes a person vulnerable to others, and so vulnerable, that the death or breakup with his girlfriend of many arguments not only to the abuse of alcohol, drugs, but also to suicidal attempts.

the task of the psychologist is to help the man to build a balanced relationship based on mutual respect and trust and ability to let go, give the relationship to breathe, to bring them freedom and ease. When a man and a woman are compressed inside a single and rigid whole, let the suffering for them is provided! It is very difficult for man to sustain itself psychotherapy because, as a rule, they are very hard to go on the road to change. A good psychologist will appeal to more men reflect on their feelings and emotions, some obstruction to acting out in action, as such men usually do not like to sit and reflect, and await specific instructions. Yes, not a simple task to teach a person to think about themselves, for themselves and about themselves. However, it's worth it! Every man worthy of his own happiness, his beautiful women and a healthy relationship with her. So may the best psychologists in the world will help them find love and harmony for years to come!

[1] Personal details changed to comply with the privacy principles

Nelia D.
Статья выложена в ознакомительных целях. Все права на текст принадлежат ресурсу и/или автору (B17 B17)

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