" Lead statements"
the Common way to deflect responsibility , to distract or to lead to the desired topic. Used as spouses and children – the latter in a particularly sophisticated splendor.
Example:
Why didn't you wash the dishes?
- option a :There was a very oily dish, after last night's dinner, I thought, it is necessary to ask you to cook something easy, and then I have recently often stomach pain. By the way do you know that you can take to less ill....
- Option B: you have a frown and you're so kind. when you are angry, I can not stay calm when you're angry....
- Option C: But yesterday you did not wash the floor, and your boots are dirty, how can you be so messy!.....
RESULT: CROCKERY REMAINS UNWASHED or washed it asking
the Manipulator grabs the secondary words, the related events, tone, facial expressions and begins to develop this theme. The more he is involved, the less likely the questioner back to the subject matter.
"Replanting on guilt"
a Great way to make your partner or child is incapable of resistance.
Example:
-Honey , I brought you flowers
-Option But Well, I can if I want. It's really not my favorite, but thanks that you tried. Sorry you don't remember, but still ahead. Of course I wanted romance, but it'll do.
-Option B. I wanted them yesterday. It's so sad when the flowers on the tip.
-Option C. Oh how nice, and then I was so tired, washed all the dishes for you, have abandoned you all perepadya shirt, brought heavy bags from the supermarket, my back aches terribly. But Yes, flowers, thank you.
RESULT: the Person remains guilty, whatever he undertook. While the manipulator remains in the role of a judge , the hero or victim that allows freedom of actions and the legitimacy of the control.
the Manipulator devalues any undertaking, pointing out the discrepancy between their expectations, highlighting weaknesses made the disparity of the action with his contribution to the relationship.
"inflame"
a Way to guarantee security and control for the manipulator. Used as adults, and children.
Example:
Mom: son, why didn't you do homework?
Son: Dad so loud, watching football, and he called me, said that one boring, then he said it was late and time for me to sleep and did not check homework. And I wanted to wait for you, and he said he need to sleep as you still wait don't wait don't come....
Dad: So you didn't pass your class?
Son: Mom took my diary and did not return, and she said she would come back and do Russian with me, and then she was talking with a neighbor. And she said that our football is such nonsense.
RESULT: parents sort out AMONG THEMSELVES relations. Little manipulator remains in good relations with both sides, separately. And can always "be friends against" both.
the Manipulator emphasizes their loyalty to each participant of the relationship. Brings discord , pitting each other all around, thus he remains always aloof and pursue their own interests.
" Dramatization"
Used by both children and adults. Way away from the content and solution to observing her experience .
Example:
-Why do you not warn me that working late
-option a:I don't know what to say. I have no excuse. You suffered so much, I am a scoundrel, I forgot again. I don't know how to help myself, I just hate myself for this optionality. You have every right to Lynch me....
-Option B: I don't know what to say. Every time you attack me, I begin to suffer from these attacks, I don't know how to tell you that our great relationship start to crack in the thin areas because of your passages. I dreamed about how together we will spend the evening as I kiss your hand, sing you a song , and then your comments, I'm depressed, I don't want anymore. You make it so I don't want to go home. Next time I'll come again later.
both : Oh, heart, heart, I got stabbed...now, Now I just validol find. Oh, no validol.....
option a manipulator takes on the role of the Prosecutor, brings self-flagellation to the grotesque, after which the victim is forced to retreat, and she start to protect "the repentant sinner". Then , being sure that all the question is solved, relax. The win lies in the fact that the manipulator can't afford more charges than it can withstand, and being himself Prosecutor, can painlessly afford to repeat the offence.
In the manipulator makes the guilty partner in the production relations as a whole under the impact of Undeniable slogans explains the giant value of the relationship for the manipulator, a "desired" contribution to them and the potential damage from the contribution of the partner. The victim becomes a man, to encroach over small things on immeasurably more valuable and important. The gain is that the partner is settled in the qualm arises a sense of guilt, which allows further appeal to this as a natural causes of repeat offense.
In the embodiment is used In a physiological ailment that causes worry for the life and health of "guilty". It is understood that after the "rescue", the conversation will go already absolutely on other notes, if any, will be resumed. The victim is placed under the responsibility for the health of the manipulator. She is given to understand that in her hands to destroy, and to save man. The role of Savior much more attractive than the role of executioner. As a result, the victim is limited to the right to make a complaint, and the manipulator can continue safely for yourself to commit misconduct .
