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There is a common proverb: «First skein, then the babysitter”. This proverb is very like to apply to the young girls that are “supposed” to help her mother with the younger children. 

the Classic situation: mom's baby is born and the girl who gets “gift” to a younger brother or sister, automatically becomes a “nanny” which “must” to help her mother.

Probably, since ancient times, it was the right position in relation to the education of her daughter when the girl was a helper in the family and everyday life, the birth of children was her primary responsibilities. Nobody was interested in that she wants a girl, because living conditions were different from the opinions of girls/women is little dependent.

In the modern world, girls grow along with the boys, they also go to school, go to University, looking for work and calling. Here only bring them so far as if they should not have the right of choice and desire, different from the views of mom.

Habit to consider a girl baby-sitter, which “must” to help her mother, despite the fact that she herself still 2, 3, 5, 10 years, unfortunately, remained. 

And what is the result of such education? 

the Girl grows up with the feeling that it is all anything needs, their own desires she hardly notices, because the mechanism of “no matter what you now want, now you have to help/be silent/to do what I said” is debugged to automatism. 

the Girl becomes an adult aunt, which has no “I”, because it since childhood, someone must have something, so she can't defend their views either in family or at work or in relationships with loved ones. It rushes down his own life with one sole purpose — to be nice to others. Well, if, God forbid, someone told her that she's not good enough… inside her rising panic and she runs urgently to fix it, to restore the image “girls assistant” in the eyes of others. Since childhood, she has learned — just helping my mother she can earn her love and approval. And if she suddenly did not want to do something or she would dare to disobey a mother, the love she can not see, it will be “cut” from all sides and call “bad girl”. 

Dear mom, your daughter is not my fault that she became a big sister. It's your choice — to have another child. And your daughter is not obligated to help you. She was a small child until the birth of the baby, and left. 

Yes, after the birth of a baby there are always problems at my mother's, but an older child should not suffer because of this. Forcing his daughter “to enter into a situation”: to behave quietly when she wants to run and scream, to help to lay your baby when she wants to read a book or play with dolls, walk with the baby when she herself wants to play in the sandbox or swing on the swings — you force her to abandon yourself in favor of your desires and needs of the child. 

And she honestly will try to “earn” your love and your approval, because it is animal instinct all young children — the desire to love their parents, because adults without children just do not survive. But your manipulation regarding your older child will not bring the daughter is nothing but a variety of complexes and loss of self.

If you want to teach your daughter how to babysit children, then involve her interaction with the baby, but not by force, but by listening to her own desires. Girls by nature love to roll the stroller and put dolls to sleep. But, this should not happen because the girl “obliged”, but because she wants to do it.

the Child can not be held responsible for the birth of the youngest, it's too much for him. The upbringing of daughters, who “obliged” Babysitting younger leads to aversion to all children around the psychological infertility, fear to take responsibility for children and many other problems in adulthood.

Source


2019-06-15
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