Yesterday's quest on Facebook to create Talismans turned into a kind of study on what is more important to people: the relationship dreams or financial well-being.
With that, and the first and second desired objects of possession, but if you can get one thing, people overwhelmingly choose the money.
I was hoping to study with the results of the choice, to be honest. The fact that in our closed group, we are working on the relationship. Moreover, I do not broadcast the position of guru, "it should be", and we together understand that prevents to the quality of the relationship, and that is embedded in this concept.
After all, to "fix" what we don't like, we have to understand as we would like them to build.
And to understand where to start the correction (adjustment), it is necessary to understand where the cause of the problem.
Yes, often to build a harmonious relationship interfere with the parent model of the family. After all, there is harmony special was not observed. How to want what you never saw in your life? "Not like my parents" - it is not far from the "way I want".
Getting answers from the girls about what they expect from a relationship, not only in the group, and for a long time my consultations, I hear mostly words such as: "care", "protection", "security", in other words, "I want to handle."
Everything happens in accordance with the hierarchy of needs Maslow, unfortunately. Not yet satisfied basic needs for security and survival, even the need for "reproduction", not to mention the need for "affiliation" (love and friendship with other people) is not relevant.
In General, when there is nothing to eat, I don't have much of a relationship to survive. Therefore, to be out that money.
However, relations still want. And... why not combine the need for survival with the need for reproduction? To survive together easier, and even sex in the bargain.
And now, when these needs (safety and sex) are satisfied at the very least, begins to actualize the need for "love and friendship". And they (love and friendship) in marriage often lacking or does not happen at all.
Here there is no claim to relationship. They say, "don't let me grow", and like to talk about.
And as the majority of people have forgotten WHY they formed relationships. More precisely, based on what needs. Survive? To multiply?
I'm talking about the fact that a possible cause of "discord" in relations may be the initial motivation to create a pair. You need to go from mom? That is, married to you any more security? Or the guy offered any kind of shelter and protection? Or ...
in Other words, the couple could created to meet the most basic needs. Therefore, the satellites may be impaired. Because basic needs can be solved with money is no worse and sometimes better than living together.
If a man came into your life as a "purse" and "protection", why would he require cordiality development? Was asked such conditions at the beginning of your relationship?
I think the understanding of what we look for in a marriage, can take the lion's share of complaints about the format of the current relationship and will become the first step to revise the terms of the "contract".
Your Irina Panina
a Doctor of Psychology, Hypnology
Together we'll find the way to your hidden opportunities!