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Receiving parenting somewhat mythologized in our country. Some just will not hear the remarks – “in children's homes some future criminals”, “take their genes”, “to take an orphan – good cause", etc. Cycle  about foster care and foster parenting will have the goal of debunking the myths, stereotypes and usual plants. My main goal – to show that adoptive families – it is a living organism, consisting of its members with your  feelings, injuries, open and hidden motivations, life goals and ability to develop experience.

     In this article I would like to talk about the first step toward adoptive parenthood, but about motivation. As you know, motivations are open (this is what tells the people at the initial consultation, that you know and recognize), and latent (those aspects which are hidden from consciousness and clarify them by asking questions, paraphrasing and interpreting said confrontive with habitual thought and speech settings). Imagine that each of the motivations I have described is open. Let's foster parent decided to become a person with a sufficient level of introspection and reflection, he spent some time (about a year) studied various articles and forums about orphans, foster families may volunteer. So he had already formulated his motivation. But what he presents at the meeting as the truth, perhaps only visible part of his motivation.

     so, try to understand each, as deeply analyzing each  assessment of the risks and resources.

     First, and most obvious – the absence of children. the Causes can be quite varied: infertility, loss/death of child, age of parents does not allow to start the blood of children, the absence of a partner.

    Resources in this motivation, many – the presence of life experience from a prospective adoptive parent, the presence of "unspent" feelings, the desire to care, give, a potential of the existing material base for the development and education of the adopted child, the opportunity to spend more time with him.

     But despite this “rich” the capacity of this motivation is one of those high risk. In the case of infertility in the risks may be the potential weakening of health (it is no secret that among the methods of infertility treatment and surgery, and hormonal therapy). In addition, another failed attempt to have a child is a trauma for both partners. Often, especially for women.

     In a pair of is important of the fact who is the cause of inability to have a blood child. When you work with such pairs is manifested in guilt and shame for "inability" to conceive and/or give birth to have a partner who is sterile and a sense of suppressed anger, resentment whoever is in the position of waiting, “healthy” partner. This entire complex of feelings, if they don't work accompanies a couple on the road to adoptive parenthood, often causing disagreements and violations of the relationship of the pair.

     Loss/ death of child are impregnated with a risk. And the unlived grief, and the hidden unconscious desire to “put” for the role gone to another, "replacement child", and desire to handle his own feelings with another. Full and space revealed this aspect Poro Morris in the book "foster child". It is very important that from the moment of loss (miscarriage, missed abortion, abortion, stillbirth, death) have passed at least one year prior to the adoption of a child.

However, it is important to emphasize that all, even with a high degree of risk of the motivation in bringing them to consciousness, can change your pole to positive.

In case of age, not allowing a couple/ person to have a biological child risks can be himself  age, presence of comorbidities, which can reduce quality of life, due to the large age difference the problem of fathers and children can also be an obstacle to successful foster parenting.

     No partner and the desire to take a foster child may be unconsciously motivated by the desire to replace the child with the partner. No overt sexual or erotic aspect. Just have a kid that allows him to project the libido (energy), not caring about finding a partner.

     the Second frequency of occurrence, I would like to identify a desire to correct errors. For example, in a person's life already had parental experience, but in the mind of the person is not very good (may not have to reality is irrelevant, it is his subjective experience of this reality). And he decides to “fix” with a foster child. I consciously say “using”, because the child often is not a subject but an object to fight his own guilt, sense of failure. Sometimes, feeling increased guilt and sense of duty is the foster parent of a child actualizes it,  initiating manipulative family relationships.

     Third item – religious and social motives -  make "good cause”, “save someone”, to give him “a start in life”, “to help”.

     My great respect and esteem highly spiritual cause and socialinnovation citizens, however, adopted child so "delicate and unpredictable matter”, which often does not assess all the benefits that it provides the adoptive parent with such motivation. There is a risk that high goals can not see the child's personality, never meet.

     it is Important that such parents have a lot of energy, creativity, a wide range of contacts, which undeniably is resources.

     Fourth motivation – reluctance to be alone. Here are some typical statements of the prospective adoptive parents: “a child will enliven my life”, “I feel that I am one, and so we can be together”, “in a normal family should be children”. This motivation is negative, as the adopted child comes into the family and will work out their trauma, including the trauma of loneliness and abandonment that a foster parent will have to containerevent (to help deal with it, put it into words). And since all his actions are aimed at the avoidance of loneliness, to cope with two strange, chaotic, lightly feeling will be doubly difficult.

     the Fifth motivation – kinship foster family – this happens when birth parents lose the opportunity to fulfil their parental role or right and come to the aid of any relatives becoming kinship foster parent. In this situation, the family needs help Support services for adoptive families as a high stress factor.

     Sixth motivation – professional foster family. Is a family who has several children, comprehensively dissecting them. The state, in turn, takes care of material security of the family. This motivation can carry both a positive and negative pole. Positive and resource pole – life and parental experience, the ability to interact with a child also from a professional position, often no need to combine parenting and work time.

     Among the risks, it is important to note the possible prevalence of material interests, uniform, “working”, the usual approach to all children. This is especially reflected in the attitude formation of socially acceptable behavior and positive study of the child (“I have all the children behave…” “our family doesn't get threes", etc.). Often occurs as it is not the remark of a child's personality, her individual-typological peculiarities, there is no tolerance for weakness. This form of interaction can cause the formation of the role of “scapegoat”, coalitions, etc.

     In conclusion, I would like to note that rarely there are also the following motivation: the desire to have a baby of a particular gender, a generic desire to avoid pain, the desire to “refresh” relationship with partner/ family, the desire to compensate for the trauma of his childhood, the desire to “hold” anyone in the family. All of them, without a doubt, are the negative and increase the risk of mental disorders in family members, social exclusion and return of children back into the institutions of social protection.

     Therefore, you must carefully approach the selection of candidates in adoptive parents, increase Support services for adoptive families and  to roll over psychologist-social work in foster care.


2019-07-28
Статья выложена в ознакомительных целях. Все права на текст принадлежат ресурсу и/или автору (B17 B17)

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