No strings attached: back side


the Need for love is one of the important needs for humans, despite this, many are now increasingly becoming followers of the so-called relationship without commitment. If you sign up on a Dating site, you will quickly find out that about 90% of the users of these portals looking for a light, easy relationship, for one or more nights.

most Often, not in a hurry to burden yourself with the responsibility that is men, women, especially of childbearing age, are more likely to seek a "serious relationship" with one regular partner. In addition, that this phenomenon is due to biologically, there are psychological reasons for this kind of relationship without commitment. This:

  • fear of intimacy
  • trauma attachment
  • the presence of a negative experience in the past
  • complexity in decision-making in current relationships
  • a way of avoiding reality as in alcohol or drugs
  • psychological immaturity

Men, fearful of relationships, often were raised in datacentralen families where all the parents were directed to child. In such families the father generally plays a minor role or none at all, for various reasons, and the single mother "raising a man" for themselves. Thus, a mother's love is unspent, and the boy gets more love than he needs for himself and for his father. This kind of psychological incest does not allow the young man to separate from mother and grow up. Male looking for uncomplicated relationship and changing partners at the speed of sound, as a rule, not separated from his mother and has with her unfinished relationship, and the search for a burdensome relationship, therefore, is an unconscious attempt to secede. Such men very afraid of being "trapped" as it were absorbed by his mother. This drama is complicated by the fact that the manifestation of anger on the mother tabourets, and thus is transferred to other women.

women, as a rule, the situation is different. First, it is the sociocultural causality: in our culture, a woman who often change partners, is equated to a woman of easy virtue and condemned by society, while a man this kind of behavior is attributed as his own achievement. Of course, there are also female nymphomaniac who have given their tendency, as a rule, due to the lack of recognition of the father and femininity of his daughter. And the frequent change of partners a woman unconsciously tries to prove to his father that she was hot and in demand by men.

In other cases, no strings attached women agree not willingly, but rather in the hope that man eventually "corrected" and change her mind, fall in love and propose to marry. These women have trauma and attachment dependent. getting No experience of love and acceptance at home, this girl subsequently will unconsciously choose a man not inclined to burden themselves with obligations to first, to end the relationship with the parent of the opposite sex, which could not fully satisfy the need for love, and secondly, because she had not seen a proper example of love and healthy relationships between parents and unconsciously repeats your own family scenario. These women are afraid to be alone, and therefore willing to do anything to have at least the illusion of a relationship, it is difficult to believe that they can love just as well that they can want relationships, so the partner, avoidant relationship is perfect, who needs to prove his love, to sacrifice themselves to hide their true emotions, to be comfortable.

More Mature in this regard, the woman does not agree to a relationship without obligations because of the following reasons:
- the reluctance to waste time on hopeless relationship
- the desire to have a partner that in the case of pregnancy will be able to take care of her and her child
- self-confidence and faith in the that deserve a more stable relationship
- need for love and respect and the desire to meet

Sometimes, relationships without commitment can be interim version and are the place to be when the old relationship is over and a new start people are not ready yet. And then, this kind of communication helps some to relax, to get away from the emotions, to restore the balance. This method helps many people who do not have the internal resources to cope with emotions from the loss. However, all these methods to escape from reality does not allow you to fully understand the mistakes of the past, to reach a new level, become stronger, and serve more of a consolation.

Also need in a relationship without commitment may be due to fatigue family life, there is no need to take care of anyone, to cook, to clean, when tired of the conflict and sort things out, and you just want to relax, take a breath and relax. In this case, relationships without commitment can be a lifeline, not only for the partners but also sometimes for their relationship. Sometimes it is the only available method of solution, especially in the case when the partner does not hear and there are other circumstances that do not allow the relationship to end.

it Happens that the need for sex without obligations is not a true need, and only overshadows the real need for proximity. After all, sex is sometimes easier than to be with someone very close. The impossibility of proximity and time as pushing many people into the arms of passion. All of this together creates intrapersonal conflict: a great desire to reach and however, the inability of this location to stay. After all, intimacy is self-disclosure to another person, and for many it's a big risk, because along with the closeness manifested many fears, for example being cheated, rejected, misunderstood. Special risk intimacy is for those people who have not had in the past such experience, but rather had experience to the contrary.

If you are reading this article, you realize that much of the writing here responds to you, then maybe it's time to think about, to go to therapy where you in a safe environment will be able to generate the experience of intimacy, and perhaps the need for superficial relationships without commitment will disappear by itself.

Maybe you know other reasons for which people enter into relationships without commitment, please share in the comments.

Sitnikova Natalia
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