No you did not have it?


"Just no one owe you nothing."

This phrase, on the one hand, a way to avoid suffering from unfulfilled expectations, but on the other hand, it destroys the relationship itself, because it teaches people not to trust your partner and trust him. "Push it all himself, take 200% responsibility for the relationship and no one don't count", that's the message? Intimacy - because intimacy in relationship, the person entitled to the other.

when it comes to parents and adult children, for example, then the phrase makes sense - growing up children parents do not have to.

But there are other relationships. At least, when a person marries or is in a committed relationship, set the rules and agreements. And if people agreed not to change, the partner must not change. If people agreed about the child and that the woman will sit with the child in the first years of life, the partner should contain. If the partners have agreed to buy a home together, the partner has to contribute its share.

Otherwise, the woman gave birth to and taking care of the baby, but to rely on my husband can not. The woman flew to Egypt in a sex tour, but the husband is not entitled to take anything because nobody needs to be faithful. A woman working, raising children, takes a job to repay the loan, and the husband lying on the sofa, looking for himself, because he did not have to.

the same phrase "No one owe you nothing" can be a good means of manipulation. For example, in a pair of roles are distributed so that the man earns and provides family, and the woman looks after the house and farm. Coming home and finding dinner, it can reasonably resent. If a woman says: ""You are no one should" is, most likely, will cause men anger and desire to retaliate: "it Means that I don't owe you anything".

Or for example adults children turning to parents for help: to lend money, to look after their grandchildren, to help with the renovation, and in response to hear: "no one owes You". In fact, really should not, but this very phrase wounds and destroys relationships. Much better would have sounded: "Sorry, but we can't give money, because we have other plans for them", "sorry, I can't help because I have other classes" and so on.

If people agreed and promised each other, they need each other. By the way, the word "love" holds great promise, because love is a mutual responsibility.

"Just no you do not have to, if not promised" - so the phrase seems accurate. Agree?

Lily, ahremchik, psychologist, coach

Lily of ahremchik
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