Among our clients are those who have the belief "nobody loves Me..." These people are deeply convinced that it is not interesting to anyone. They consider themselves not worthy of attention a strong, bright individuals, are not worthy to live happily. Sadness through a shy smile, reflects the deep tears in front of me ... the client - a beautiful, educated woman, but completely oblivious of its advantages. Is in a relationship where there is no respect and genuine concern, it pulls on itself. Compares himself with the character of the cartoon is a lovely hedgehog, with which no friends, the session shows me this hero.... . The thirst for love and acceptance seems to be endless. Knowing what was happening in their lives, they still can not abandon the role of victim. Why? As in many cases the roots of the problem whodat away in childhood. Further. A generic scenario. Women should be submissive, weak, as around, next to hard men, strong and oppressive world. br>
this is, unfortunately, not a rare story, a scenario encountered in practice often. It is a profound mistake to broadcast children these beliefs about ourselves, people, the world. Sometimes parents, loving mom and grandmother, guarding and controlling of the child, a very "caring" about him, tell his or her behaviour, relationships that show the world is dangerous, brutal, abuse. And how important it is to show it is not so black, so as not to make the child weak, frail, not able of himself to appreciate and love. And then bewilderment, "Why are they these people? Do not want to communicate with me... No love no respect!" The answer is complicated and simple "inability to love and to taking any of yourself"!
Many of these customers and say "what me to love? but I am, and they are strong, funny, etc." All is spiritual pain - a colleague didn't say Hello, my friend forgot to congratulate happy birthday, pushed into the subway... so different situation — and always one explanation: "Nobody loves me!" It is not easy to accept, but this statement is untrue: the lack of unconditional love from others — a reality faced by every adult of people.
the Thirst for love and attention is our unconscious need to experience the perfect love that only a mother can give her child. And in order to give, she needs to be filled. That's the chain. And very often under-loved, frightened by the scenario of the family people, grow up and behave like children - loveless themselves and others, everywhere seeing the danger, sometimes angry and closed... But the essence is the same - living with a heavy baggage from childhood.
What to do? To think that there are still people that certainly appreciate, even if they are little! All the same it means that the world is different, people are different. There are a lot of good. Should just be honest to admit that the neighborhood is not all that bad. There is good and unconditional love, there is always a sea of opportunities, you only need to get out of the role "I'm the victim" and.you feel sorry for yourself. And, perhaps, the first thing dline to come from the lips of such a person "I love and accept myself fully for who I am!"
Also useful to realize that the process of bilateral relations, and therefore wanting to obtain, you need to start this world something to give. You'll probably find that the pleasure from the opportunity to give a smile, love is no less than the joy of opportunities to take it.
And with the help of the process which psychoanalysts call sublimation, the need for love can be a powerful force able to fill the inner emptiness and satisfy your spiritual hunger. Artistic creativity, scientific research, charity. Everyone can find something that will allow him to turn a frustration into a source of positive emotions.
"I TRIED to SAY THESE WORDS to MYSELF" Ian, 37 years old, the artist"I grew up with the feeling that nobody needs. At some point I had dizziness and hearing problems, but only psychotherapy helped me to understand what is happening with me really. Psychotherapy did not fill the void, but learn to live with it. For many years, until the death of his mother, I was hoping to hear from her: "I love you". My mother would be furious if he saw that I started not law — a profession to which she was prepared. She would not understand that all the colors I put on his canvases, is the same "I love you", which she was unable to give me".
Well, of course, need psychotherapy, "change personal history",... it is possible to establish and to live in peace, people and themselves in harmony!
Learn how to give another "part" of his love and don't despair if you can't change the situation. Don't blame yourself that, after all this emotional "hunger" — the trace of his personal history.