the Assessment, which gives us the environment, carry at least two functions: the encouragement/punishment, and description. Good/bad, beautiful/ugly, smart/stupid, hardworking/lazy, but promise to "keep" or "don't do that" even tell us what we are.

the Child receives information about themselves from parents with joy if they look at me, what can I say about me. To two years the child begins to receive an image of yourself, and as social beings we cannot avoid some reconciliation with the estimates, which gives us the environment to a much later age. Strictly speaking, we should not avoid, but.

the fact that in the best case our family should help us not only in recognizing our self-image, but also the ability to distinguish it from the images we are developing in the minds of other people. "Self-image" also means, what we want to be – it is about what we are. It is a complex design and with the development of mindfulness and self-reflection becomes more difficult. Like for example, I didn't want to think about myself that I kind, there are plenty of situations in which I am indifferent or evil.

Attentive parents to notice and describe, "you love to play with toy cars", not "you're not the girl that boys 'toys", "do you like the company, the team" and not "what you rekomendovali all"... I hope it is clear and no need to continue. Anyway, by this age I have a picture: I – so. And there is an important point – if I checked out, received and digested the fact that I signalled to the environment (it would be good to be honest with me, but more on that below) – I have this inner feeling that I'm like that. For example, I love black and don't like to clean, I'm a team player, I'm not talkative. If inside of me there is this confidence, clear pictures of yourself – I always need a reflection on the outside to tell me what I set as the evaluation.

I say, that getting to something new, unknown, I need to rely on the responses of other people, I have a strong positive self-image, it is easier for me. Becoming a mother, I can rely on the knowledge of themselves as women, a friend, a Manager, in the end. Yoga for example learning to rely on their knowledge and experience gained during other sports.

Here is a challenging point about honesty – I could as a child to describe not what was really. Then meeting evaluations-descriptions from the other, running counter to the usual knowledge about myself – I have had unpleasant doubt. There are mean and untrue praise (mom said that I neither look at the gift, well I was fired the third time this season), and belittling (all complimenting me – they do not see that I'm ugly).

Here I have say a pink dress and I don't like it – you never know why, I never wear pink, I don't like myself in this style, it reminds me of a failed holiday. And then it turns out that I have nothing to wear except him and I all day dream about how I will come home and burn it. And then meet a friend who says, Oh, what a beautiful dress, as you well put it.

I'm starting to think... a lot of what she makes up that she is not sincere, how can she blatantly lie to my face. I can't agree that its estimation does not coincide with mine, and begin to "fit" it to my.

In fact, the reasons can be a lot, a friend is crazy about pink, does she really think that pink suits me, it is not important the color but loved the fabric, she doesn't know how else to say that glad to see me, but even, in the end, it has no taste and its main targets: "dress-pink-pretty girl". Our estimates do not converge, but this does not mean that one of us is lying or inadequate.

In the other direction it works too. Someone appreciates me bad, where I can appreciate good. Most often, a careful deciphering, it's someone else's "bad" means "uncomfortable for me personally" (bad slave – wants adequate compensation and does not want to run for coffee, a good daughter does not want to visit relatives who have no relationship, a bad wife does not want to after work also to personally cook and clean for all).

But even if our assess-describe – my internal and someone external is formally the same – it's not a reason to mix them together.

first, because the content may be different, and then it can happen attempt to shove something foreign in your inner world (for example, I consider myself a bad employee because I don't have enough training, and my boss – because I don't wear him coffee).

second, our brain likes to simplify everything and the temptation for the coincidence assessments-descriptions to blur the boundaries between "my way" and "your image of me."

In a perfect world of direct messages, it would be good to understand and be responsible for all this. "You look beautiful" and "In my opinion, you look good in pink and dresses". "You're a bad worker" and "I don't think you invested enough to raise the payment". Feel the difference? And, of course, it is very important to be able to understand and say: "You think so, but I don't agree with it" - and well it would have to be heard in this, but that's another story.

but by And large, understand what and whose assessment is announced in your contact with others is important to a) understand that another person can like something I don't like and that doesn't mean that he's lying, b) it may not like something that I like and that doesn't make me bad, and b) our assessments may coincide, but this does not mean that it will always and in everything.

Darya Laponova
Статья выложена в ознакомительных целях. Все права на текст принадлежат ресурсу и/или автору (B17 B17)

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