Often when working with problem parent-child relationship, the questions arise: "How to deal with the pain and grievances of the past? To forgive or not to forgive? Parents to make a claim or not?" Will try to cover this difficult subject.

of Course, everyone has different experiences of these relations. Someone is very painful, and someone was more fortunate. Someone's parents devalued and criticized, and who experience physical and sexual violence. Depending on this experience, the solution to this problem will be different.

Your parents were not gods, but ordinary people also had in my life, different experiences, including the disadvantaged. They did what was considered at that time necessary, he could, they were wrong, were wrong, and cared as best they could. It is important to remember that. You can simultaneously be grateful for something and for something.

parents to Make a claim and give them showdown, just not worth it. If they are with you still it's not discussed, most likely, they do not have that resource. It really is very difficult the older a person is, the psyche becomes less plastic. And if people are not practiced in mindfulness, in old age is to start very difficult, and often impossible. And even if your parents are not able to admit his imperfection, to admit that they were wrong in relation to you is equivalent to a recognition of itself, bad. br>
And children sometimes think that if they are angry, angry at parents, it means that they don't like them, not grateful. Especially if the parents have expressed "On mom or dad to be mad not. We have given you so much, and you're still not satisfied." Love is a lot of energy to the person and depending on situation it can be with plus or minus. And all of this energy is about love.

Anger is a feeling that arises at the interface and signals to us that our borders something. Anger helps to restore the border. It can be devastating if you suffer a lot. And if you do not endure, and the time to exercise, it is quite the experience. You can love and sometimes angry.

And still the children's fears, what if I get angry, my parents will not love, and if adults will not love, will not care for a child is unconsciously threatened not survival. You now they are not independent, you adult, and scared like a child.

If you have had this negative experience you had painful, unpleasant, humiliating, scary. And you certainly have the right to feel anger, bitterness. Well if you speak to a specialist. Alternatively, you can write a letter without giving your parents, pity yourself, admit that it was in your life. Give yourself time to grieve, cry and then move on.

And now about the offense. Resentment of the parents is not expressed as a complaint, it's a way to get away from the contact and the way to manipulate. "I'm offended, so you have to change, so I forgive you". This is the unspoken anger out on something. How to deal with anger I wrote above. Is someone, unconsciously like to suffer, then resentment is needed. It may be different secondary, often not perceived benefits. For example: you can not deal with their lives, blaming parents that they made so bad in my life. Resentment is not about problem solving, but about getting stuck in this problem.

some for adults children really want to change parents, to teach them how to live. This desire is very arrogant.
how would You attach the top and from there "down from broadcast wisdom." Again, pursue their own goals.
Take your life, you are in this situation are small, parents have a right to their lessons and to live as they see fit. Here are its boundaries you have the right to defend and stop them causing you good, which is not necessary. But they also don't need to inflict good.

If your life was very traumatic experiences of physical or sexual abuse from parents, you have the right not to forgive, because it really is disgusting, ugly, scary and has no justification.
And you are not to blame, it's not because you are bad, and somehow not act like it's completely the fault of the parents.
I recommend in such cases to divide, the fact that you can forgive and grateful for what and what is unforgivable.
It can be gratitude for life, for example.
This injury is very difficult to live alone, I recommend you contact a specialist and better in person.