Oh my God what a man!
How often do women meet a wonderful man I thank fate and the heavens for this wonderful gift. Delight, rapture, euphoria, love, passion, all this lives a woman in the first weeks of a relationship with a man, she thinks her dreams.
And how quickly it disappears. it turns out that this is actually not so perfect man that are increasingly disturbing signs that all is not well in the relationship, there is dissatisfaction and tension, as if it that had happened in her life. Forgot to call, was late, did not bring again the flowers came not shaved or stale clothes, slipped the rude word, refused the request, even under a specious excuse, introduces you to friends, did not fulfill the promise, etc. After all, before him, this was not observed, but where it failed, the man as a substitute.
what happened to the funny guy with a sparkling sense of humor, he is courteous gentleman, opening doors and on the feeding chair, he is romantic, giving flowers and admiring you every minute? I'll give you a star, he said on the first date, seeking a kiss close, and then doesn't even notice what needs help and refuses to minimal request.
after two or three months, and sometimes even less, how this man turned into a man, which at every step you can see, Yes, and with the same disadvantages as men in past relationships. What is my punishment, the woman thinks, what did I do wrong that this is the same if not worse than it was before? What am I doing wrong? How do I meet "the one", my?
In such situations, the woman there is frustration in the relationship, men, there is agreement with the popular opinion that there are no decent men or married, or egotists who live only for themselves, do not want a serious relationship, and women are used only for their carnal pleasures and consumer services.
What's really going on? The reasons for frustration and despair, a few, many of them have their origin in the children's education or unlived psychological trauma first relationship.
first, any charm from the very beginning carries in itself a disappointment. High expectations rarely implemented and will crash the system when the first illusion, invented a way, idealization, like a fog has dissipated and before the eyes of man appears as a living person with his pluses and minuses, strengths and weaknesses. Yeah, he's not perfect, but like all people in this imperfect world. You never made a claim for your behavior, words, actions? After all, men exactly the same as you, looking for the most unique own woman.
There's an old parable about a lonely old man. When he died at the age of ninety years, someone asked him:
You never got married, but never told why. Now, standing on the brink of death just to satisfy our curiosity. If there is a secret, even now cutting it — after you die, leave this world. Even if your secret know, harm, it will not hurt. The old man said:
— Yes, I'm keeping a secret. Not that I was against marriage, but I was always looking for the perfect woman. I spent the whole time searching, and so passed my life.
— But is this huge planet, populated by millions of people, half of whom were women, you could not find a single perfect woman?
a Tear rolled down the cheek of a dying man. He replied:
— No, one I still found. The questioner was perplexed.
— Then what happened, why didn't you marry?
And the old man said:
the woman was looking for the perfect man...
second, men and women make their choice in favor of a particular choice based on our subconscious signals. The similarity with a significant person, often a parent, a reflection of the illusory expectations, taken from books or movies, the complementary relations (partners in the relationship complement each other, play baby scenarios). For example, parent-child relationship as a couple where one partner plays the role of a parent and the other becomes the child. At the initial stage of relationship that suits both, but over time, especially if one or both is work on yourself, personal development, such a scenario relationship ceases to satisfy, there is a protest, a desire to change the format of relations, and if it does not, then change partner.
the Third reason can be a psychological trauma. The woman at the time, survived the injury, but was unable to let her go, to get rid of it. She consciously seeks to avoid a repetition of the situation, go and find someone who will be totally different in their qualities, appearance, behavior than the one from which the woman runs. But unconsciously she finds the same repeats again and again his traumatic experience. For example, in the parent family, the father suffered from alcoholism, the whole family suffered a lot of pain, my dad brought mother and the children, so daughter gives himself a vow that he will never enter into a relationship with a dependent person, but in fact one male, the other is an alcoholic. Moreover, in the beginning of a relationship can a man be a total ABSTAINER, but after a while begins to abuse. Sometimes destructive traumatic scenario manifests itself in alcoholism, drug abuse or gambling, computer addiction.
Not so sad. All of these manifestations can and need to work. Decent lot of men, they are not all married, not all drunks or addicts, they just want relations, family, children. Somewhere, very close, they are also struggling to no avail in search of "their the one". Yes, they are not perfect, not all will suit you, but it means that you have the chance.
And it's not just in the search. Understand themselves, their erroneous actions, you will be able to build your current relationships in a new positive plane and cease to pass on their errors from generation to generation.
While in captivity of emotions, feelings, despair, it is very difficult to understand what is happening and get to the next level of awareness. In order to solve the situation, ask for help from professionals. Professionals know what to do, how to work, they will help to solve their problems with maximum efficiency.
Your family psychologist, Wiseman Sergei. Take part in Yekaterinburg, Magnitogorsk, Tyumen, as well as online.