This article is about how, whether we hear each other when talking? Are you able to be attentive to each other and ourselves and why it doesn't always work. Contact!
the Eastern merchant had a talking parrot. One day a bird knocked over the bottle of oil. The merchant became angry and hit the parrot with a stick on the head. Since then smart parrot forgotten how to speak. He lost the feathers on the head and completely bald. One day when he was sitting on the shelf in the shop of his master, went bald by the buyer. It kind of brought a parrot in a terrible commotion. He jumped, flapped, screamed, groaned, and finally, to everyone's amazement, suddenly regained the ability to speak: "You also knocked over the bottle of oil and got a slap? That's why you got no hair!"
You can tell your friend the story that you worried, angry, depressing, annoying, scary, care, and companion, without waiting to the end, interrupts you and says: "Oh, Yes! I had exactly the same situation!", and begins to tell a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT story that your story has nothing in common.
And you either listen to your friend and understand you and your feelings do NOT UNDERSTAND, or get angry and annoyed at him.
Often people are waiting for that perfect moment when they pause to insert something about yourself. This talk is similar to the play "the Bald singer" who once played in our town at the festival "Amur autumn". I'm very impressed. The actors spoke to each other words, not consistent with each other, the conversation was similar to the cacophony, all seemed deaf to the words of others. Just tell her, and the other person is not listening.
This parable is about a bald parrot about the fact that sometimes we are labeled and draw conclusions about us without knowing us absolutely, but based on some of your experiences, attitudes and learned concepts, the imperishable laws and regulations.
- Long hair for a man means wrong orientation.
- the Woman in the divorce — so wrong some woman are unable to keep a man.
- No children — you are selfish and live only for themselves.
- in a Bad mood — you just think wrong.
- You are hurt — including a program of gratitude and let go of a grudge.
- are You bald — so you spilled oil, and got the poker. (Some Anna has already paid with his head over spilled oil, right?)
- Thin, sick or on a diet.
- Thick - a lot of eating.
- Continuing the list, etc, etc.
it is Easier to standardize everything, to drive in, than to go to the depth of the man and find out what the causes and conditions in his life led to this result? Why do we pay less attention to each other real, without a touch of prepared insights?
- Perhaps we are too tired, and no longer able to pay attention to others.
- Perhaps we ourselves never paid attention and didn't listen to our feelings, and we're not able to listen to any other (husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, son, daughter, brother, sister), not even ourselves we do not know how to listen carefully.
- Maybe we all have an opinion, we know how how to live, and somebody's bald head does not fit into our framework.
Try to ask your friend why he went bald or turned grey, and listen to what he will tell you.
Try not to fill every pause in the conversation, silence is important, it creates a special atmosphere of closeness and support.
Your care to loved ones can work wonders, try it, you'll like the effect. New facets of communication you provided.
Tatiana Ilyina, the psychologist
(the parable from the book Peseschkian N. "The merchant and the parrot. Eastern history and psychotherapy" )