There is such a thing as a imaginary concern. It looks like concern, but in fact it is only partly. I will list a few things hiding under the such care. But in General, the imaginary concern can be placed anywhere.

so.

1.Control. A typical example is parents who want to be aware of all the Affairs of their child, even the most insignificant. For example, such a caring or controlling mom will call many times per day and to demand a report on what is happening. And their child is no longer a child, and adult man her own. Objects such care usually experience a lot of guilt. Control and intervention angered, but they don't want to upset the "caring" parent. But if it is almost the only form of contact with a loved one, the situation is even more difficult. Because to abandon this care-control is to lose all contact with the parent.

2.The depreciation of hidden criticism. Under the guise of concern often is the depreciation of other efforts. For example, something the child does not work, and the parent comes in and "helps". And assistance is that the parent does everything for the child. He does, of course, is better, done by a child discarded as unusable. Similar situation happen in adult life. When, for example, after "care" parents have been adult increases the feeling of worthlessness, incompetence, stupidity...

3.Alarm. The result of the normal care will be a sense of calmness, confidence. But after some manifestations of "care" can rise alarm. Many mothers often placed their own anxiety in children. "On TV said, it will be cold, you took/take the scarf?", "In the flu epidemic, don't ride the subway", etc. And it's not once a week, but the main topic of conversation with for adults son, for example. A typical message from a mother in conversation - "that's going to happen something bad." She seemed to catch a most alarming and negative signals in the environment and merges it into a baby. With him always something can happen, something goes wrong and a catastrophe occurs.

the key word here is Hyper. Care too much, she doesn't age and disproportionate to the situation.

the Imaginary concern makes the relationship painful, infantilized, someone you care about. The parent resets its own fears and anxieties in the child, asserting itself at his expense, violate his borders. Wants to feel important and necessary to the child (and if it is easy with a year-old baby, the daughter of 40 years will be more difficult) to manage his life, to make life more fulfilled, etc.

This concern – a very tricky thing. Outwardly, everything looks that will help you, care about you and worry. At the same time it causes discomfort, irritation and anger. And those feelings can be difficult to place in contact, because I do not want to be evil and ungrateful sadist, because you "want good".