tomorrow, Tomorrow women's day. I love all different kinds of holidays. I especially loved when the family was big. Many relatives and cousins. All talkative and sharp-tongued. In short not just a meeting, and the meeting of the cousins. And it was considered normal and loved.
However, since childhood I had a fear that it is a holiday forget all about me. Well, that's not something to forget and never remember, but will forget to congratulate, and then the feast will forget about my existence. I became scared and sad.
My fear had its beginning. And the beginning its been in 9 years. It was my birthday. mom dressed me nice. Tied red cravat on a white shirt. Patted the plaid skirt. And I started to spin in front of the mirror waiting for guests and gifts. Everyone was invited to 7. 7 PM. And then came 7, then 8, and no one was there. A table was set. But all stood untouched. I was very bad. I could feel of me wishes mom, like herself, hate how she's calling my sisters and asking us to come. After another hour, some still came. But I felt still bad. I was disgusted that I was so dressed up, waited no one came. In General, all filled me with self-loathing. It was awful. Since I did not like to prepare for birthdays. My. I was getting dressed at the last moment, or tried anyone not specifically invited. I was afraid of disappointments.
And you know, today I woke up thinking that I might not congratulate. And again I was scared. Again I was 9 years old. And again, I was lying with a red bow and was afraid of life.
-Oh, you Katuska, it turns out some fears you have not lived. Stuck they. Dangling over you. Waiting for the holidays and your past reactions. And you're all the same in a plaid skirt with bow, and you're so nice and your elegance. And also I want guests and gifts. And also you fear rejection and lack of attention.
All the way to work I was leading a conversation. As a little girl. And passing near the shop with the flowers we decided to go. What a choice!!!!! Dazzled!!!! I most of all I love roses. Bright red. Upon seeing rose, and wanted to lend a hand with the bill and say: Auntie, give me those Reds. And what is most interesting, almost out! I asked "out of those 3 roses, the most beautiful." And when "aunt asked" - "For whom?" I replied that it was for me. Everyone was so nice!!!! So happy. I carried them with such dignity, with such a feeling of happiness that nothing from no one was waiting.
Yes, I love to make my own gifts. I like to treat myself. Maybe it's my protection from the "Nepostavlenniy and nepodalku". But it is a good defense. Working. After all, how could we not want to have sore spots, they will still be. And will as long as we do not laugh at them, and talk with them as with children, those children who once endured the pain.
Here they are standing in front of me. I'm terribly happy. And awfully nice. Now I know that it is possible to please itself. And it's perfect!