In each of us there is a little selfish – translator. He studied at the Higher Resentfully Paranoid school. He graduated with honors.
In the first year he was told that your personality is the main center of attention of different people. If people are thinking about something, not about his life, but only about you.
On the second he was assured that people think bad of you. Rather, you are bad.
the third said, that any statement of his own opinion of another person is nothing like the Condemnation, the desire to humiliate you or to impose their point of view.
On the fourth taught qualitative language of the people on Nutriberry.
Mom: "have You eaten?" Translator: "Yes, she doesn't care about me. Why can't you understand that I work and I have no time?! I am 32 years old, I adult man! You pokupal??? She thinks I can't do shit to take care of myself!"
Father: "When you got married?"= "I'm not capable of. Or to learn normally, or soup to cook or a man to find himself."
mother-in-law: "I would on this table cloth bed!"= "Well, of course! I'm a bad owner! Nothing that I'm spinning-I spin like a squirrel in a wheel! We don't notice! Of course, I can't do it?! She's the only one we have the best!"
a Good translator! I would have checked the license of the institution, the Issuer of such specialists! At least because of the text output much more than input. Well, something is clearly wrong with the communication of meaning. Imagine if the English "Did you eat?" a professional translator interpreted as "You can't take care of myself!"))
the Translation should be adequate. Say)
Let's see. Mom: "have You eaten?" She really thinks: "Son I not independent, can not do anything, even eat on time. It is necessary to remind him. Don't care what he is now at work, and I'll distract him from the important things. Not that he was the big dog!"?
So your mother before you ask your question?
Correct answer: impossible to say for certain. "Have you eaten?" can be a real concern. And most of all, this poor mom doesn't know what to do and wants attention. In 99% of cases.
Listen, why don't we let the interpreter to leave and try to assume that people say what we hear? Well, they are to be spoken) May not need a translation?
-have You eaten? = mom asks, "eat?"
Yes, mom. Soup, and compote. But to say can't right now: work.
-When you get married? = father is interested in the approximate date of my marriage.
-I don't know, dad. I guess when I find someone I will love.
-this table cloth was spread! = She would lay on the table the tablecloth.
-Yes, you would put. And I don't really like tablecloths.
In fact, we do not know whether the words of a man overtones. Maybe they just say what comes to mind? I want to ask – ask. I would like to Express the opinion is expressed.
more Complicated, of course, when they criticize. But they usually do so that the answer can only be to the designated text.
-do You even realize what you say?!
-No, I did not realize...blurted out that hit.
-You never think with your head!
-Yeah? But I remember just today, I was thinking it!
If you know the laws, it becomes clear that people criticize, not to humiliate us. And in order to raise themselves. So we can see what they are valuable and important. As well, they think and think only with your head. But when they criticize, they, unfortunately, are not aware of. They just say. Here it is good to know the translator.
When I was in school, my wonderful instructor John, in his first trip to the city, all the way to whine in my ear: "Ah! All! 3 errors - no change. Could a puddle to avoid, now to wash the car have to! Do not pull the handle, then I also fix! Know how much it costs? Mark-can't you see? As you have been taught in theory? Oooo! Stalled in the middle of the intersection. Mo-lo-dets!" My interpreter was included: "Nothing! Ponabrali here! The woman-fool! No mind, no skills, no abilities" From the stress, of course, involved: scary on the road for the first time. I strained to the limit, stopped the car and yelled. Bob was speechless and found it only at the end of classes. But I have to remember what critics said about himself. "I'm better! I'm better!" - shouted Bob really is. "See how wonderfully I know how to drive! United we stand!" So when Bob said, "When's the next time you decide to cry, do you really think of me, too!", I was already quite into himself, and heard only what it says: the request to think about it when I'm going to cry. I thought: "let's Say. I think I did cry stop?" I honestly did try to think about Bob when I bad. "But even more will die: this work you have the nerve..."
Bob looked at me like I'm insane, but since then talked to me extremely politely.
Try not to translate. Or to translate from the idea that people talking do not about you but about themselves: about what they need. And to respond just to the words.