Who among us does not dream/not dream to fall in love, to feel beautiful "butterflies" in the stomach, and palpitations at the thought of a loved one? And how cool to run out, kiss, make love, be the happiest man on earth and to suffer, to be jealous, to cry, to suffer from insomnia, ask yourself the thousand and first time the question: "Why is this happening to me?" - and give myself never to fall in love....
Yes. It just so happens that love and suffering go hand in hand, and to some degree painful experiences is too painful and heavy. Initially, therefore, man is recovering after breaking a previous relationship, then runs from the new love experiences, both from acute pain and then gradually (not all of course) removed from strong emotions, in principle. And it becomes the first decisive step towards philophobia. Try to understand how it manifests itself and how to get out of it.
Some causes of philophobia
the Term "philophobia" comes from two Greek roots: "PHILO" Love and "PHOBIA" - fear. Literal translation: the fear of love.
So what is the cause of this phobia?
Fear of losing their independence and freedom, because in a serious relationship start a family, the concept TOGETHER, the inability to belong only to himself and his deeds, desires, needs. "Relationships can interfere with my career... my interests... my work.. studies..." - I agree, a strong and compelling reason to explain the ban on love. You ask, why not seek a compromise? Filafob no compromises. Like any neurotic, the flatness of everything – his second Ya So just YES or NO, job or relationship, only freedom or encroachment on it. This is the main difference between a doubt mentally stable person and fear coming in excess of the categorical extremes, mentally unstable person.
Complexes, going from childhood. Do not grasp the head, moaning: "These psychologists always problems from my childhood to explain!". Yes... unfortunately, adult life, as they say, situations childhood are not thrown away. "All men..., - day after day convinces mother, who is not lucky in relationships, his little daughter. – Play the game and leave with a baby. Them for one thing only. Stay away from them"."women are the problem, says the loser abandoned his son. – They only give money, a nice car, a nice house. They corrupt everything and W... All pulled out of you and go to another." And the growing boy with this confidence and runs away from love, as from a terrible fatal disease. After all, dad is not bad advice.
Bans on adult conversations and companionship with the opposite sex, stories about the negative consequences after talking with them, clearly, produce complexes, psychological defense, self-doubt and, over time, can develop into a fear of a real relationship.
Bad previous relationship with a narcissist, psychopath, abuterol, of which had to go long and painful, and the recovery from which took a lot of time and effort. Escaping from possible future disappointment, the person begins to experience the first, distrust of the partner in a new relationship, and then fear and self-experienced feelings for another person.
This love phobia often occurs in people who are very interested in it, for example, those who endlessly dreaming of a man dreams or the ideal woman, is associated with a real love of MY LIFE. Mismatch perfect unattainable image (!!! remember, in the previous paragraph we talked about over categorical?) it is impossible, and it becomes a valid argument for rejection of a deeper and serious relationships.Yes, with philophobia very eager to love and, on the one hand, dream about it, on the other, subconsciously suppress any love flash, real desire or feeling reaction. Which is why there is intrapersonal conflict between the real desire, a vital need to love and be loved and subconscious, instantly blocking fear with love is philophobia.
Fear of physical imperfections (BDD), which starts to increase after the betrayal of a partner or sudden coldness, neglect in the relationship. This fear usually occurs after contact with a psychopathic partner who purposefully cultivates his partner this belief, samoutverzhdayas and enjoying his psychological suffering.
How does philophobia?
the most Important symptom is a morbid fear of relationships in General. Any. And so man begins to destroy relationships BEFORE they escalated into serious, causeless jealousy, tantrums, scandals, endless departures-arrivals; love – hate, go away, stay. A real "brain stem" without explanation and the inability to understand how to make it okay? May be accompanied by panic attacks, especially if a number of patient, truly loving partner who is trying to help and all the forces to improve relations. Here PA is the strengthening of intrapersonal conflict, which was mentioned above.
Infinite change of partners - "jumps" from bed to bed; sex addiction as a secondary accession to philophobia, evident in "sex instead of lunch", no matter with whom. The explanation is quite reasonable: not satisfied with the partner; normal men do not, "health", etc. At the same time, of course, always blame the other partner, but not Y. again, remember about neurotic categorical – can be guilty of only one (I certainly did not), compromise or consensus impossible. Ladies, do not rush to blame men. This manifestation of philophobia "sex instead of morning coffee" and change partners characteristic equivalent to men and women.change Over time and the behavior of filafob: the man closed and less communicates with the external world – is added social phobia;
- never specifically answers questions about the possibility of further development of relations, or answers evasively, or takes the conversation to another topic;
- starts to be afraid to be alone with the opposite sex, beneath any pretext;
- a pathological transformation – to offer sex to overcome your fear. The tough "macho" to scatter photos of their members, no matter to whom, or in women with low social responsibility, philophobia manifested in the highest degree.
How to get out of this state?
Only with the help of a specialist. It will help to identify factors that formed the basis of this phobia and work through them with you. How long will this work? Everything is very individual, especially when it comes to work. After all, someone comfortable to stay in his shell, and the person entitled to it, the main thing is to admit it openly and directly and continue to live your life.
But if You decided to return to the world of love, happiness and "butterflies", refer to a specialist right now, return to my world bright, emotional colors and pleasantly disturbing experiences. After all, the world of muted tones, too tired. Or You have a different opinion?
the Psychologist Irina Courage
@psyholog_irina_kurag
