Preparation for kindergarten. Part 6. Non-obvious details.


 Read part 1 of the article on WHEN to start going to DS
 Read the 2 part article on how to CHOOSE the DS
 Read the 3 part article about WHAT you need to adapt to the DS br>
 Read the 4 part article on WHAT to DO BEFORE the release in the DS
 Read the 5 part article about WHAT to DO in the first week in DS br>

a series of articles about preparing a child for kindergarten was the longest in the history of my authorship. When I wrote 5 parts, which follows logically from each other, in my drafts still preserved many separate “pieces” about those or other issues that do not want to lose. 

Therefore, the last part – a small collection of thoughts on various topics related to the adaptation of the child to DS, which were not included in the main text. 

 non-Obvious details of preparation of the child to the DS:

 to help the child carefully to survive the separation from my mother in the garden, start to leave him with daddy or other relatives long before the supposed hike in DS. 

Let the child gets used that mothers, too, have their own Affairs and their own lives. This does not mean “to give up a child unknown to anyone”, which means to leave the child with other “grown” for 1-3 hours, and then come back for him so he had the experience of parting with her mother and her return at the appointed time. 

If the child is very sensitive about the breakup with the mother or if the mother feels guilty because she leaves the baby with other adults and goes about his business, to cope with these difficulties will help the individual work of a mom with a psychologist. 

 Try to ensure that the child has a positive experience of contact with 1-2 children up to the beginning of the visit DS.

On the Playground or at a party pay attention to the communication of your child with other children. Try to help kids to communicate, and subsequently teach the child to establish his own.

it is Advisable NOT to begin to drive the child in DS in case he has not learned basic self (!!!) communication with 1-2 children. Especially if your child is behaving aggressively towards other children or on the contrary constantly becomes their “victim”. 

In these cases I recommend that the parent come in for individual consultations with a psychologist (without a child). 

In the event of a collision with the aggression of other children in DS, try to understand the situation, communicate with child and teachers and develop a feasible plan for avoidance and protection from such situations for your child. 

 in Advance, tell your child that in the DS there will be other people. 

Explain who they are, what they do, what they do and how they can interact with the child. 

We are afraid of “crowd” primarily due to its unpredictability and uncontrollability. The more we understand about any particular group of people know what to expect from it, the more comfortable we feel in it. 

 During a preliminary dialogue with the teacher to find out what rituals and rules are in DS, the daily routine etc. Everything slowly tell the child in advance.

you Can play games, draw pictures and even a few days to live according to the rules of the kindergarten, but it is “the level of God”, therefore at least just tell me  

 is Extremely important in advance, and to clearly convey to the child a practice run 
5 the most important rituals of any garden: 

- how the child comes and goes (the ritual of dressing and goodbyes, dressing up and meeting), 
- as the child goes to the bathroom on different occasions, 
- how the child eats, 
- how the baby sleeps, 
- how is the training camp for a walk and the walk itself. 

the most Important thing from this list – the ritual of the toilet. Often he unconsciously overlooked the field of view of the parents, which the child experiences huge stress, and often gets problems with his health (and enuresis, neurosis. constipation – frequent satellites illiterate “adaptation” to DS). 

Tell us about the procedure of using the toilet in detail, at the level of “If you want to pee or poop, you're saying this or not saying where he(a) or with someone, sit on the toilet or potty so, and so" - all in accordance with the rules in your DS. 

 Just, please, do not invent the rules themselves!
ASK about them teachers. Otherwise, then start “and my mom said…”.
do Not provoke unnecessary conflict! 

 figure Out a system of rewards and punishments in DS in theory, asking teachers, and practice asking other parents.

If necessary, take preventive measures. 

If, in principle, adequately, be sure to explain to your child what are the rules and what will happen if he breaks them.

you can Also speak with the teacher on the topic of which border management system, the child used at home, as he responds to comments, as you can return it to shore.

If you have very delicate and sensitive kid, be sure to tell all the teachers and ask about the appropriate attitude. 

the First time keep your finger on the pulse and ask the teachers if all the rules understands and respects the child. At home try to clarify the most “difficult” rules are clear for the child method (in conversation, in play, for examples, etc). 

 Try to protect the child from evaluating and devaluing of questions and statements to relatives about the garden. 

it is Not necessary to support discussion on the topic of the child's behavior in DS, all of the teachers and etc., especially with the baby!

“Save” of the child during the questions “Well, as you in kindergarten? Didn't cry? The caregiver listened to? Soup you ate? The application made? Verse learned? What kind of teachers you work there! And why you there do not teach anything!”. 

You can explain to the relatives that such questions and statements are a bad influence on the psychological state of the child or gently moderate the situation, tossing the grandfather or grandmother of an acceptable topic of conversation. For example, telling them about the kind of house a child built out of blocks, where he went for a walk, or what book you are reading now. Because often questions about the garden – a way to fill the void when families don't know what to talk to a child.

 Separately about the most brutal: on the suppression of feelings. 

“don't cry, you're the man!» 
“Look, nick doesn't cry, and you cry!» 
“if You keep crying, I'll leave you here / will be deprived of something important for you!» 

These three phrases and a lot of their versions cut a knife through the heart of a small child and represent three “beach” the Russian mentality: gender stereotypes, the comparison with others and bullying. 

And all together it tells the child that the world doesn't need his feelings. 
the World needs robots with no feelings, ready at all times to follow orders. So become a robot, baby, or you don't need anyone, even his own mother. 

I think there is no reason to try to change the world in the article. Because if a person believes the attitude to the child – normal, it will not change the article. 

But I know that there are many people who want to talk with their children differently, but don't know how or can't. And to those people I will help:

 For those who want, but don't know how:
you will help books by psychologist Y. B. Gippenreiter 
“to Communicate with the child: How?” and “Continue to communicate with the child: is that So?”. 

 For those who know how, but may not be the book by A. Faber and E. Mazlish 
"Available parents – free kids” as well as personal advice from a good psychologist  

 About “the disease care”. 

“In the garden all children get sick” is not true. 
“In the garden all the children were sick, because a lot of them there and they catch each other” is also not true. 

 Child "to go to the disease” when his mind does not withstand constant stress. When he receives no aid and illness becomes the only way out: to finally be at home with mom to be safe and to get away from the toxic environment.

And often that the child was healthy, you need to change not only antibiotics, but also of a teacher or kindergarten. And in order to understand all this (what exactly needs to be changed and why, how to behave and how not to) - it is important to parents as soon as possible to go to a psychologist. 

 Parents in this period, too, often need support.

because of the lack of strength and resource, we are emotionally cut off from their children and leave them alone with the problem. 

Therefore, dear parents, “first, put the oxygen mask on yourself”.

If you find it difficult to withstand the tears and sadness on your child, if Hiking in the garden knock you off track for the whole day, if forces almost does not remain – seek support and help from a psychologist. 

Dear parents! 
I as usual thank you for what you are trying taking good care of their children and even find time to read my articles 
Special characters those who read this great and important series of articles about the garden!

If my feelings are mutual, you can Express their likes, repost and comments 

I usually thank my censor-mastermind Irina, who read not only the entire cycle (approximately 25 sheets 12 font  but also several draft versions! Ira, thanks! 

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