Many of us have a vague idea about protecting their personal boundaries and space. This happens usually in childhood, in the process violations in the education and building of relationships with adults.
So, many customers 20-40 years complain that the house do not feel at ease, feel still pressure and control on the part of parents who do not respect their personal space, freely breaking boundaries. Hard they are given and communication outside the home, in public places...
the Violation of boundaries is generally a metaphorical definition, which sometimes meets of perception.
Our borders are the outlines of our personality, in fact, is all that is relevant to our world, to our values and therefore with firm confidence, we can say that personal boundaries are different and the shapes, and the form and contents.
for Example, there are people who calmly tolerate the persistent and annoying people in their environment, which can without any go to you, to say a taunt, to laugh at a disadvantage. But sometimes such patient people in the power of education much note to myself, but don't sound stubborn interlocutor, believing that they are not affected.
And others, on the contrary, a very cautious and selective in contacts. They consciously control their borders. And in most cases it is connected with his own personal experience, although it may be due to the peculiarities of psycho-emotional inventory, temperament and character personality.. So, they are reluctant to contact with strangers, trying to show care and caution in social networks, at work or with friends.
Others can't say "no", getting into all kind of traps. Here sometimes even not realized, as in the first case, the destructive behaviour of others, violating the integrity of the individual. Not to be unfounded, I will give examples.
for Example, in life there are all sorts of funny or unpleasant cases. So, I understand that in some cases, my words will have a decisive significance, so sometimes I keep silent, but sometimes, if we are talking about the health and safety of the person, whether child, battered mother, or a living being in danger, I, like many of us, I will act.
Mindful of what it was ten years ago, a young mother, to which flocked from all sides rearing, feeding skills, I don't make comments to moms whose children can't disturb the peace any adult shouting or noisy games.
So, sitting in the clinic with grown-up sons, we are already finding topics for discussion, while the kids are running around, laughing, squealing, crying with the unanimous disapproval of the other parents sitting next to. "Oh, how active you are! You to the neurologist didn't take?", "Why don't you watch your kid?", angrily pronounces someone's grandma came with her grandson, the treasure, not departing from her, a young mother running with his tongue hanging out for their child... Remember yourself in the place of this girl and in addition to the words protect and support her to say anything else and does not work.
to meddle so as not to hurt...Although I notice that there are situations that require intervention when the child is raised in an atmosphere of permissiveness. For example, when a child, mom-dad's phone, the baby by itself, runs around and takes other people's things, bags, toys...Definitely not enough attention and education.
meanwhile, it's all about boundaries.
Remembering the experience, at first it seemed funny that my kids some attention. Then began to annoy the Soviets. Hard to answer not always work, and not allowed education. Therefore, the method of trial and error, managed to put in place those who tried to teach me to raise children, was advised to do something, and sometimes - sympathetic (!!!), preventing unnecessary, meaningless and empty conversation, defending their borders and borders of the children.
unfortunately, in practice very often hear exactly the opposite.
can't get rid of the obsessive roommate, whom he met on a walk with a child
can't say "No!" people, adhering to the advice and comments
Feel bad and useless mother."
And other people, on the contrary, such advice to take for granted, afraid to offend another person, violate their own boundaries.
"Oh, I'd say this, but suddenly the man would be uncomfortable?".
of Course, to be a humanist -it is, of course, good, but each of us is interested in the integrity and security of its borders. It is therefore important to realize the following points.
For this I propose a small introspective technique aimed at self-analysis and work with yourself:
1. For You who are these people?
2. Why are You overreacting to what they tell You?
3. What role these people play in Your life?
4. Do You think that their comment appropriately?
5. Do You feel guilty after a conversation with such people?
6. List what really hurt You in their words?
7. Would You like to these people to be right, perfect (ideal)?
8. Can we say that after their comments, You want to be different?
9. Why do You think You need to prislonyatsa to these people?
10. Can You protect yourself from such a psychological attack?
These questions will help to make a small breakthrough in the field of self-observation and, perhaps, to understand that the desire to be "good" for someone can't be productive without understanding the importance of their own personality. Invulnerability for the invasion does not mean that You live as you want, turning into anti-social creature. After all, biologicheskoe and social creation, and therefore socialization and the attainment of them canons of society should not be broken. But the question is that allowing others to invade your life, man distorts his own personality, wanting to please the well-wishers and meet their orders without realizing the significance of his personality to the world, and thus enables to break the boundaries of their identity and putting them at risk of emotional strain.