PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSISTANCE IN ACUTE GRIEF (the DEATH of a CLOSE PERSON)
Writing an article is practical, therefore, begin without preamble.
In the seriousness of this issue became real to me when I went three times to volunteer at disaster sites. And the first one was a trip to Vidyayevo in the days of the tragedy of the submarine "Kursk". 117 families waited in vain - and did not wait for their relatives - of the deceased sailors of the submarine. The second time I was in Dagestan, in the border town of Kaspiysk, after the next terrorist attack - the explosion at the military parade on 9 May. More than 200 dead and wounded - mostly soldiers-parade participants and children who had fled from a military band. (About the third trip I will not write: there were victims, but, fortunately, not been lost).
so, a few psychologists-volunteers in the face of massive death and enormous grief to those who are experiencing the loss of a loved one. What to say to them how to work, what help?
the Famous theory of the 5 stages of grief of American psychologist E. Kubler-Ross, as well as the ideas of Russian psychologist F. Vasilyuk, outlined in the book "grief" - Yes, they work in many cases. But not all (about this later). And I must say, familiarize a person with any of these theories does not relieve him from suffering. Needed something much more concrete and practical, especially given the fact that needed help urgently, and many dozens of people.
I'm from the generation when the Western type schools of psychoanalysis and Gestalt therapy treated very carefully. And weird, I think, in this situation, to delve into the unconscious or invite people to "complete the Gestalt" (nothing from all the advantages of these approaches, simply write that such methods do not work). Techniques like the "write a dead letter" and hide/burn/throw it seem to me to be quite so callous - some kind of modern "psychology without a soul." Maybe someone they help, but... I'm a conservative. My heart V. Frankl with his lofty and heroic logoterapia fate.
What to do? I repeat - time to think are almost there, one day (and one white night in the Arctic Vidyaevo) you need to work around a lot of families, and almost in every family some people, and different people deal with grief, and all need help.
Yes, there were families where enough was sympathy. Was, so to speak, "simple cases" (forgive me this "cynicism"), where people were quite ordinary, common words of support - of course, based on sincere sympathy and compassion.
But there were others. There were those for whom the death of a loved one was in life (existential so to say) a disaster. Those who simply could not live without the deceased. In these cases, I'm afraid, the above-mentioned theory of the living and the grieving might not work, especially when the grief is at its peak and about any long-term course of psychological consultations may not be considered. Need help quickly, almost instantly - and reliably for a long time, and it would be good - for life.
Here is something to help me, and came the work of V. M. Bekhterev "the Immortality of the human personality as a scientific problem."
If I were a believer, I would say that the deceased "looks from heaven", etc. But as far as I know, such ideas are not particularly comforting After the terrorist attack "Nord-OST" (Moscow) I led the two twin girls that did not want to be comforted by the idea that the Pope is "in heaven." And in Kaspiysk (Dagestan), where most of the population is Muslim, I wouldn't know what to say, I stick to the religious Christian point of view. the
But a materialist and atheist Bekhterev (founder of the national school hypnosis, author of several important ideas of our psychotherapy) in their work have put forward a different idea. (I have not found any similar work in the world of psychology). The human person is immortal, otherwise pointless would be all ethical teachings. Does after the death of this person entirely in another person or scatters on a lot of other personalities is, according to spondylitis is not yet known to science. But the person does not die, does not disappear without a trace, does not decay along with the body in the grave.
so, in my experience (and in the field of disasters, and, so to speak, peaceful life) was such endless, all-encompassing love to the loved one, when the survivors were able to survive - not to kill herself and not to fall into severe chronic depression - to the extent that the psychologist could "return" to him beloved.
So one very young widow of a sailor from the Kursk, a woman of rare beauty, ignoring the admonitions of the others on the theme of "get married", just not able to live without the deceased husband.
In the "peaceful life", a famous journalist who is very successful in all respects a woman, after the death of the old mother had become so involved in their own grief that they hated the newborn granddaughter, irrationally believing that she was born "through the death" of her mother. Even the long-awaited marriage with your lover gave her out of the depression.
Another young woman - also in "civilian life" - was so close to the untimely deceased father after his death, alienated, estranged from her husband and young son.
and I myself, in the end, survived the death of madly loved one, with whom we are in a fair amount of age adopted a child.
I'm a little "brushed" the idea of V. M. Bekhterev. After all, people really loved, it's not very comforting to imagine that their loved one "scattered in the Universe." I emphasized that his personality is alive and dwells with them. Not watching from heaven, and it is with them here and now. And will always be with them. Referred from scientific and human integrity in the work of V. M. Bekhterev. Everyone can read it and read all the ideas in the source.
the Result was stunning.
the Young widow of a sailor from the Kursk told me that - Yes, indeed, she feels that her husband is with her, just before thought it was nonsense, and now knows it's true. And her face clouded by deep sorrow. brightened.
Another woman (the terrorist act in Kaspiysk), who took in the daughter of civil wife of the son of a sailor, pregnant by him, instead of crying began to laugh happily. I said, " You helped three people: his grandson, his daughter and HIS SON!"
a journalist, yearned for his mother, saw whether waking, whether in sleep - she flies with her mother on the silver wings. And depression receded. There will be happiness, love for her husband and granddaughter.
Such case a lot. Don't list all. Personally, I have survived and kept the presence of the spirit in the eyes of the adopted child (now going to adopt another) only through this idea are our dear, beloved person is alive, his person is alive at neomaterialism laws, formulated by Dr. Bekhterev. He's not looking at us from heaven, is not a figment of our imaginations. He really is with us - alive, as in life. And how to communicate with it - everyone decides and finds himself.
Happiness to all. And quoting a well-known book of A. and B. Strugatsky "roadside picnic":"Happiness for everybody, free, and let will leave nobody offended."