Let's talk about emotions and feelings. Look at the picture: what kind of feeling do you see in her? br>
In the work I often face the fact that some strong feelings people call words like "hate", "sick", "tired", "lazy" and other such phrases.
How it works?
for example, is successful in all social relations a man Oleg. It seems like all is well. There is a lovely caring wife, two great kids, a good job and on Fridays Oleg and his friends walk to the bar to watch the match and drink tasty beer.
From poor Oleg's grandmother, the grandmother is steadily aging. She forgets names, spilling sugar and often irritable. To predict its behavior is impossible, she is constantly dissatisfied.
Oleg comes to the session with his incomprehensible feelings, the grandmother almost raised him, he remembers her active, smiling, and those memories do not help him now to accept her old age. When I ask Oleg what happens to him in connection with his grandmother, Oleg says:
"I hate her helplessness and irritability. I begin to scream when she can't remember what was said two days ago.".
Oleg says and I see him gulp a few times. And his hands are shaking. I'm listening to yourself and your feelings, when I look at Oleg and listen to it. When I think about that man who was always active, strong and cheerful, begins to fade, to weaken and to mourn – I'm not angry, but hurt me. If I gave the session to go a little further in your feelings – I probably would have cried. Besides, I'd experienced the fear of losing a loved one. But not anger. More precisely, I'd probably get angry from powerlessness something to change. But it's still more like it was in pain. This is my feeling and feelings of the client can be very different, so I decided to double-check. I gently asked Oleg:
"Oleg, When you say that you hate the impotence of your grandmother – what's going on inside you as you feel this "hate"?
Oleg some time looking at me with incomprehension, then hesitantly begins to speak:
"Well... it's hard for me to be there for her. I'm trying to control myself, but anaisabel the names of my children. How can you not remember your grandchildren? It's awful! She was never like this. It's hard for me to see her like this."
the words of Oleg in many ways similar to my own thoughts and I decide to clarify:
"I think Oleg, it's very hard to see such a strong and dear grandmother is getting old. I would be very hurt to be there and realize that I can't change anything".
Oleg staring at his hands. I understand that it's hard for him to look at me now. And do not insist. We are silent for a long time. Probably five minutes to seven. I'm waiting for. Oleg still interrupt the peace and quiet, just like a child, saying,
"She was always so strong."
it makes No sense to bring the rest of the session, I just wanted to show you how we build our internal security, under the guise of fake feelings. Under the cover of those feelings with which we can handle and pushing those that deal harder.
In this example we see how the fear of losing grandma, the pain from watching her helplessness and despair from their own powerlessness is so hard to stay, that man decided to choose to be angry. But he might persuade himself that his hate of the new forgetfulness and weakness of the grandmother, inside he is tormented by a completely different feeling and it does not allow him to calm down and accept what comes.
the Reluctance or inability to correctly interpret the feelings as well as protection from the real feelings are the cause of very many problems. For example, panic attacks, anxiety personality disorders, psychosomatic disorders, disorders in relationships phobias, depression. Actually, that does not take the legs grow out of the domestic ban on feeling his feelings.
What to do?
it is Difficult to get out of the pot in which the stew. Hurt, and therefore fails to focus on the ways of retreat, right? the
Cause with such difficult feelings, people usually come to therapy. But before you go, try to answer the following five questions as honestly as possible. This will give you some relief and understanding. That is essentially the same.
1. How can I call one or several words what is happening to me and gives me inner discomfort?
2. How does this affect me and my life? What I do and how to exhibit this condition?
3. When you think about what is happening inside me when I think about it: the sensations, thoughts, feelings, emotions?
4. What it really seems like my actions, thoughts, feelings of this situation?
5. If I could change the situation, what would it look like? Whatever feelings I felt/and then?
it Seems simple, but if you list the answers to this question, give yourself an hour walk, then return to them again and try to look as if from the side, you will realize that a lot of uncomfortable feelings for you really are other suppressed feelings. When you understand what this feeling is, it is not necessary to immediately decide on what to feel it in its pure form. But based on this, you can take more appropriate and logical solutions. Because knowledge is always better than ignorance. Especially it concerns myself.