Reflections about the relationship-2


Thinking about the relationship

I liked the expression that "the constant relationship is a big school of feelings." Agree, each of us has a chance to finish school with honors.

To do this, it is important for us:

is to learn to listen, understand and accept yourself in all its diversity,

to be honest with yourself

- to have the courage to be who I am

- to be able to satisfy their psychological needs and independently. and other

- to understand and Express their feelings

- to choose appropriate form to protect their borders

- take responsibility for your life

is to learn to listen and hear Other

- to be able to negotiate, to be open to cooperation

- to show respect and interest to the partner.

Perhaps the most important criterion for a permanent relationship is the ability to be in dialogue. It's like the Foundation on which everything else stands. It is important that we could talk with a partner about what we feel, what scares, what pleases, what we want and what we don't like. The relationship lasts only through DIALOGUE, and it is possible only when there is a MEETING. The meeting of two unique and unique, special and different people is possible when there is "me" is "You", and have a desire to be together.

"If we met – it's wonderful."

"If we had not met – and that can't help."

And it's sad.

Come on consultation to the psychologist and You will learn all the skills of the "school of the senses", and will find everything you need for the MEETING.

good manners or helping create space for DIALOGUE:

  • Talk about yourself, about your feelings. If we notice that you are lost and can't talk, when we cry, you need it to say: "I become isolated when I raise my voice". When we speak in the first person, we seem to invite the partner to safe for both dialogue.
  • Take responsibility for their feelings – this means that we have a choice, we can control ourselves. Feel the difference

- "You hurt me" - here responsibility for my feelings to be the partner, there's nothing I can do about it.

"I am offended" - I am responsible for my feelings, you have a choice, you can be offended, can get angry, you may wonder.

  • Tell me about your reaction to the actions of the partner, specifying the reason. This is to ensure that partners can understand what is happening to us, why we suddenly stopped or cried. Then he won't have to guess and make assumptions, what is the reason: "not pleasant to Me your smile".
  • Speak about a specific action to which you responded. To partner us heard, it is important to talk about the specific case and the specific action. For example: "in the Morning I was very upset and I was hurt, because in the evening you don't clean up the dishes, as promised."
  • Ask. For constructive dialogue it is important to eliminate affirmative proposal, which sounds the charge. We can't 100% know the reasons and motives of another person. Ask: "did You really not know that it hurts me when you...?", instead: "You know it gives me pain," "you always hurt me".
  • Check. People are different, and one and the same event may have different opinions and different reactions. If it is remembered, it will be easier to know the position of partner. It is just to clarify "I correctly understand what you...", "I assumed that you know how I feel about that. Or am I wrong?"

You may not know about what the other person is feeling, because your knowledge is just speculation, so for them it is better to clarify than to give the truth.

  • Ask. requests are usually all very simple. It is important to distinguish between orders and requests. Like a good beginning of the sentence "can You ..." to understand an order or a request only if we pay attention to their feelings in case of failure. If we have in the indignation and anger in case of failure, so it was not a request, but a well-disguised order. When we ask, it is important with acceptance and gratitude to hear any response as consent, and waiver.
  • Talk about your feelings, desires, and needs openly and directly. Is very important, especially in a relationship. To partner communication learned about our condition or want, it should sound.
Irina Borodich
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