I Want to give episode one counseling.
a Woman of 43 years turned to the psychologist with the request to understand the reasons for the avoidance of happiness. At the consultation it transpired that in her youth she rejected the advances of a young man, although he loved her... She was important to understand what was happening to her at that moment. Why was she so cold and unapproachable, although he felt for this man of deep sympathy.
the Psychologist asked the question: what gave you your rejection? What it served?.. What benefit it had?.. To answer this question was extremely difficult... But the answer was found... the Rejection served as an opportunity to experience feelings and get attached.
in Other words, by rejecting, she received the power over his affection... Why is she important?.. Probably earlier, it had received the experience with affection, with love, happiness is sure to follow pain. Thus the mind has established a neural link – LOVE = PAIN. And the person testing then anyone feelings unconsciously blocked them, thus avoiding possible future pain. It should be stressed that this happened on a subconscious level.
How stretched this "sad" experience, marked the beginning of this, it would seem impossible to the formula: love = pain? Client and remembered this episode from his life. When she was 5, she was friends with the boy's age, with whom he went to kindergarten and was the son of friends of her parents. The family often went to each other's homes. Adult talked and drank, the kids played in another room... But once between the parents had a serious conflict, which was followed by a rupture of relations. Families stopped to chat and visit each other, besides she was transferred to another kindergarten. She stopped to see the boy at all. Suddenly he was gone in her life. And most importantly – she never could tell about my trouble. Owing to the uncertain understanding of themselves, their feelings and personal isolation, she was going through her grief alone.
We, adults usually believe that problems can only be with us. What serious can happen in children? Clothed, shod, fed... Often we do not consider their inner world... which can be not so smooth, as can seem at first glance. Yes, children, too, can be the real trouble, problems and "catastrophes". The girl stopped to see the man who meant a lot in her life... It was a real loss (the strength of emotional intensity it can be compared to divorce or death of a loved one) ... the result was formed a chain: LOVE (affection, happiness, joy) = PAIN. This is what subsequently led to the avoidance of feelings of affection... Which in turn resulted in the rejection, as their own feelings and related them such as love, joy, happiness... the Rejection of the state of happiness.