Saving the shackles of relationships


Article focuses on how different people relate to needs in a relationship

- what are the experiences faced in this issue

- what obstacles arise, even if the person sincerely wants to build a relationship and much to do that.

Every person, regardless of age, wants to be loved.

on the one hand: take it! But if it were so simple, it is probably a strong need for love, warmth and closeness would not be. Of course, if some great person invented a machine for the issuance of these wonderful experiences, it would be cool and the world was probably kinder and brighter.

But, on the other hand, if there were such a machine, the deficit does not exist and needs were met - perhaps a need for these feelings would disappear by itself.

But we have what we have: the machine is not - and the deficit is.

And then work with what you have: the relationships with family and friends, with friends, relatives, colleagues, partners and just good, and maybe not very nice people. Each person experiences it differently.

One of these manifestations of the deficit of love is being in a tough regulatory relations. People suffering from depreciation, tight borders, total control, is faced with guilt and shame, with my imperfection in the eyes of the partner, and subsequently his own, loses the sense of its own boundaries and identity. These partners know how unique ability to convince and the truth the other one is all bad, demanding, inconsiderate, principled, arrogant.

it would Seem that the tyrant attacked the innocent victim and lives without a trial. But in these stories there are secondary benefits: live your own life not necessarily or even harmful.

And then the question arises: what's behind that lack of freedom, or rather - who?

  • Perhaps it is the man who lost himself and was attached to such a form of relations, which are used in the parent family, and to change something like the force does not, so it is better bad, but familiar than different, but unusual and extremely scary.
  • Maybe it's sweet and romantic nature, escaped from their own unbearable feelings associated with love that are inaccessible for some reason, now or ever.

the Reasons may be different, the stories may be different, people can be different, but it usually costs, on the one hand, the need for love, the other – the fear to live their own lives. But how to implement it – is unclear and scary, and then it is better hard relationships where simply no way to live your own life.

How and when to live your own life, usually ask people not aloud, but inside yourself. Most likely, after a certain path of self-development, self-help, therapy. Coming to this a unique way, problems often arise, which feels harder than all the topical problems.

there are often stops, even in people who sought help from a psychologist or psychotherapist. At this point I was very much upset, realizing that to join again on the path of self-healing can be much more difficult. Thus, once again, repeated working scheme that is familiar, though difficult, but understandable.

Sad but true: many people choose not to live, just stick to the usual forms of behavior. Like and do not feel the taste, but bitterness and sweetness do not feel too. So easy, so peaceful.

and remains inside this unfulfilled need to love and to enjoy life, although it can, and will have to fall and then stand up, but more complicated and confusing.

Stop! And consider this: are You living your life or someone else's?!

the Article was published on

Savastienko Natalia
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