During psychoanalytic sessions clients often talk about self-esteem: “How to recover self-esteem? Is pride and pride is not the same? Pride – it is a sin. How to experience self-esteem and not much to be proud of?”
This topic has brought on the days of out of school teenage daughter: “Teachers say that to be proud is a bad thing.”
In the literature, these words are often substituted one for the other and can identify with, but all the same, they have different meanings. Let's analyze.
the Word “pride” has origins from the old Slavic "gryd”. But in Latin there is a similar word “gurdus” — “stupid”.
PRIDE – self-respect, self-esteem. It is a sincere joy for themselves and their success, without a sense of arrogance and exalting himself over others. Pride motivates to set high targets and achieve them.
PRIDE - has the same origin as the pride, but the feeling with the negative connotation. Value it otherwise: hubris, excessive pride that comes from selfishness. Pride – positive attitude only to himself, his personal values, comparing myself with other people with the aim to surpass them in everything, it is disrespectful to the values of other people. Almost all religions pride-a sin, and even lead to other sins.
- PRIDE - a strong sense of pleasure from their own successes or achievements of individual, group, or other object, with which man identificireba.
- PRIDE as an emotion arises not only due to their own, but others ' success, PRIDE – just your own success.
- PRIDE has a positive connotation, PRIDE – is negative.
- PRIDE – self-esteem, and PRIDE – arrogance.
- PRIDE need a reason. The PRIDE need the comparison.
- PRIDE allows you to set new goals, and PRIDE prevents to go even to the purpose that is clear and understandable. Prevents this fear of being worse against others and the desire to take what someone else has to become better than him.
- DIGNITY – that awareness of the subject necessary to follow the highest principles and to strive for the ideal.
- People with SELF-ESTEEM feels worthy of love without conditions from birth. People with PRIDE trying to win/beg for love from other people, pushing herself to the side, and is unable to get enough of it.
DIGNITY is an inner feeling. For verification does not need comparison. That's a given from birth – the way people think about equality.
In the process of upbringing the child's dignity can be destroyed in consequence of the humiliation, excessive criticism, physical or mental violence, identification with parents, which is broken.
If a positive outcome is formed SELF-DOSTOINSTVA - inner core, built on spiritual and moral values and feeling of its own intrinsic value. Awareness of their rights, moral values, respect for yourself. It is durable inner law that is respected without coercion, willingly.
- People with self-esteem perceives other people on equal terms, he will not betray, will not deceive, because it is contrary to his inner nature.
- This person looks confident with self-esteem and self-respect.
- It does not degrade either themselves or others. Before anybody did not lower his head, but at the same time does not require to lower your head in front of him. Respects and subordinates, and rivals, and even enemies. He does not despise the weaker, less intelligent. Such a person simply cannot “lower”, because no Chernyaev statements not found in his response and does not resonate.
- People with dignity communicates only with those who respect him.
- He knows how to build vertical and horizontal relationships. Vertical – following the hierarchy in the family or dealing with management at work, while any attempt insults, humiliation, ridicule. Horizontal relations on an equal footing with friends, with business partners, with a loved one. Follows his desires. Allows not neglect their interests and devalue their investment in the relationship. Respect their own and others boundaries. Able to speak “no” and quietly, with dignity perceives the failure of the other person.
PRIDE is always the outside person is important to seem smarter, prettier, more successful, richer than anyone else. Pride need comparison. And bragging. however, it is sometimes cleverly disguised as self-deprecation: “This could happen only with me, nobody loves me, I'm the worst...” or ‘Well, I fat in this dress...”, to “bump” with compliments and assurances: “Oh, well, you. You're doing great. And look so great!" Pride needs constant attention and reinforcement of self-esteem.
PRIDE – in fact it is a dislike to her. Pride – is the concept of ego dignity that is inherent in every human being. Erich Fromm in the book “Escape from freedom”, wrote: “the fact that it is the lack of self-love and gives rise to selfishness. Who does not love himself, who himself does not approve, he is in constant anxiety for themselves. It will never rise a kind of inner confidence that can exist only on the basis of true love and samooborony. Selfish just has to do only with themselves, spending their effort and ability to get something that there are already others. As in his soul, no inner satisfaction, no confidence, he constantly has to prove himself and others that he is not worse than the others.”
due To the fact that in society there is much confusion in terms of the difference between ARROGANCE, PRIDE and SELF-ESTEEM, some teachers and parents believe that praising a child's dangerous even for specific services. Many people unconsciously or unknowingly differences deliberately trying to maintain in themselves and in children a sense of inferiority, to avoid falling into the trap of complacency and arrogance. But this can lead to the formation of the position of “victims” prone to patience and feeling unworthy, worthless person. This position attracts tyrants, rapists and manipulators. Man gets trapped and suffering, not daring to admit that is worthy of better treatment. Women take it as a given the humiliation, the violence of men alcoholics. In such destructive families of children who do not respect neither mother nor father nor themselves and convey the psychological trauma from generation to generation.
the Man who feels not valuable, flawed, unworthy suffers from an inferiority complex, has a low inner self esteem and can have two external self-evaluation.
- Compensatory – “I have to be the best" (the conscious outer self-esteem), not to be insignificant (unconscious internal self-evaluation). He overstates their qualities and “life strap" of the ideals sought.
- Avoid low - “I can't be the best (conscious external self-assessment), since I'm nothing (unconscious).
typically, such an installation have people who for one reason or another were deprived in childhood of unconditional love, acceptance, respect and emotional intimacy, increased in destructive families, stung by the sense of uselessness and worthlessness, humiliation, insults, emotional, physical and mental violence, comparison with others, excessive demands, or even perfect at first glance, the family of the child might put too high demands on the compliance level of achievements, objectives, expectations and dreams of parents.
the Sense of self-esteem, self-worth, self-respect of an adult due to his childhood trauma education. The root of the problems with self-esteem is in a child injury development. So ineffective are nothing but affirmatsii-style “I am the most charming and attractive” or behavioral task to achieve.
Accordingly, work with a sense of dignity and self-esteem - more psychotherapeutic work on the reconstruction of the individual and the resolution of these childhood injuries. I invite You to do this to me for personal or online skype consultation (psychological assistance on the Internet). You may enroll in a private message or call +380505755000.
Online – the whole world. Personally – Kiev.
Elena Ermolenko - psychologist, psychoanalyst, coach, art therapist.
Return the taste of life.