Many of us regularly wonder why we badly want one, and like everything to do this, and the result is consistently different? Why are we sometimes chronically failed, although we seemingly zealously strive to change the course of events?..
Examples of
the Girl who in his youth was "the ugly duckling" and didn't like boys, turned into a stylish and beautiful girl; she regularly visits the beauty salon and the gym, dressed fashionably and with taste, she's smart and interesting, but men don't pay attention to it; or pay only those who is not interesting.
the Teenager, exposed to ridicule classmates, change school, but there is repeated the same. It would seem that he is no different from the others, wants to be friends, chat and share interests of peers, but, alas, once again becoming an outcast.
the Man changes one job after another, but despite knowledge and experience, never can improve.
the Mother was unhappy in her marriage, divorced and raising children alone. Daughter is getting married to a good man, but he soon begins to behave in relation to it is not the best way, and it eventually ends in divorce.
Why is this happening? Why some people is repetitive and gloomy scenario, and despite all the efforts to rewrite this script for more than happy not work?
Who is to blame? Bad luck? The evil eye? The machinations of bad people?
self-fulfilling prophecy, or Rosenthal effect
self-fulfilling prophecy (or Rosenthal effect) is a kind of tacit (or transparent) prediction that, based on the definition that "sells itself". What people deep down really believes (sometimes even without realizing it) in the end comes true.
the Reason for this is quite simple, and there is no mystery, there is only one psychology. Just knowing something has to go in a specific scenario, begins to behave in such a way that it is sure to occur. The wait person that the prophecy will be fulfilled, defines its behavior, and interpretation of this human behavior of others (often happens a "false" interpretation). As a result, the prediction comes true.
as if a Person sends other people signals and other people perceive these signals.
How it works
the Girl who in childhood was a plain one, at the level of core beliefs learned that she was unattractive. And, even as a beauty, she deep down, in their own attractiveness still does not believe and believes that a man cannot be interested in it. To avoid the bitterness of rejection, she tries to get away from any situation where you may experience disinterest from the men. Walking down the street, avoiding to meet men with a glance; for any questions drawn exclusively to women; in the disco during the slow dance always comes out to "powder my nose". If the girl notices that the man smiles at her, she thinks he's laughing at her (there is an error of interpretation), and the girl with an angry expression and turns away.
Thus the circle closes: the girl, not noticing his avoidant behavior, lack of male attention regards that as a consequence of their own unattractiveness, and the farther, the more it is satisfied. Avoidant behavior continues. For example, going in once again with her friends to a party, she is sure that it'll not be suitable, and avoids contact with men, so Dating again is not happening is a prophecy being realized once again.
the teenager had suffered boulingu in the first school, there is already deep-seated belief that he is "not like everybody else", something "defective". Coming to a new team, he's hoping for the best, still fears deep down that he will not accept. As a result, he kept wary, some innocent, or not related jokes, perceived as a renewed ridicule begins to shun classmates, they notice it, you start to think it strange, "black sheep", and he can once again become the victim of bulinga. The Rosenthal effect is triggered.
the Man, who was not lucky once or twice, at the level of core beliefs decided for himself that he is a loser (most likely, it core belief, like most profound belief comes from childhood, and he once again confirmed it); whatever he did, nothing still will not work. Prior to the job and faced the first difficulties or criticism of the authorities, he's already interpreterpath it as another failure, lose motivation, give up, starts mediocre, and as a result increase, of course, not his. The prediction came true.
Woman, raised by a mother with a grudge against men, since childhood, heard, men unreliable, dishonest, etc. married, any difficulties and misunderstandings that happen in every family, especially at the stage of "grinding", it was interpreted as a manifestation of the fact that "all men are bast...", not trying to understand the true reasons for the behavior of her husband and not analyzing their behavior. As a result of her harassment and nagging attitude of the husband to it has really deteriorated the atmosphere in the family gradually became unbearable, which led eventually to the divorce. But the woman remained convinced that her prophecy about the dishonesty and unreliability of all men realized.
Output
is There a way out of this situation? Can we stop going in circles of failure? Undoubtedly you can. One of the most effective ways to breach the vicious circle is to turn to cognitive behavioral therapy.
CBT has been successfully working with dysfunctional thoughts and false interpretations, creating in front of a man is much more realistic and optimistic picture of the world. CBT is not just corrects errors of thinking, but looking for the solution to the problem. And that is extremely important for a self-fulfilling prophecy, CBT helps people to change the leading core beliefs – our childhood internalized and deep-rooted beliefs about yourself or about the world – from negative and destructive to positive and realistic.
there is a solution! Psychotherapy is work, often very hard, but the reward for this work is worthy is a way out of the vicious circle on the line leading to the achievement of your goal!