Spoke to the group about "Flickering relationship." Here like there the group was formed it had healed, went to develop step by step... But here is the party that shimmers. He came out, and it seems so bright in its manifestations, with query sessions, with detailed feedback. And then all of a sudden.. was late... And then.. didn't come, missed. And the band keeps its way. He somehow got in the group. And the group has a relationship with him, present or not. A curious phenomenon. Like and posiliti him. Without him. And again went important processes. And here HE is again!. Appeared. Miss you. Like, waiting. And went back to his process - part of life in this moment have lived a lot of what happened. But the context is not the same. And again the group "accepts" his shimmering - his life, his problems, again, puts emotions, feelings, giving feedback. Shimmering but not quite, and not quite in the group, because part of the process took place without him, and he never touched them. He seems to be present in the other, the group, and not in the one that exists in reality. Here he again gets its share of attention and adoption . Well, if not depreciate, although it happens often. Well.. everything Kind of went process. Coach sigh: "Phew!", well, some sort of formed integrity. At the last shearing they all say, as warmer, how things have changed as people have become closer. Amen.
the Next group. The flickering appears and says: "I'm leaving the band" TADAAAM!. Dumb. Sometimes working three days a week spent on it to somehow clarify what it is, and the shimmering "understands" that must stay. Until the next cycle. Or breakdown. That there are such relations. To Neustrelitz, nedorogie, negoprices. After all, he's shimmering in life and in relationships is the same. Like, wants something, wants something, comes close, to be realized, but suddenly, Bang! There is something that does not allow him to stay something to recognize or make themselves the new log-in experience and walk in them to the end. His "circumstances". Circumstances – as a form of resistance ought ever to write about it. Phenomenon still the same. Circumstances sympathetically offered sick children, broken machines, burst pipes, etc. This happens masterfully. The mosquito nose will not undermine. Do, not leave the sick child, the money went to repair the machine, etc. and you stand with divorced hands, and you have nothing to say. A relationship "doesn't happen". "Another time", "I want to, but circumstances". "Our thoughts are with you as soon as... then", "Sorry, force majeure". I think everyone else in the family, or in life had or have now its flickering. His or her life in the elusive promises, in enticing the "then" definitive "maybe."
I don't want to analyze the origins of such resistance. Exactly, once this behavior was doing something important to the man (in childhood, most often), from something that protected and helped to survive. Innuendo and fear to meet with something painful, something new and deep in myself that
you have not recognized, and to recognize this work. And then it is better to dump, sorry.
In my practice shimmering the band has sometimes been leveled. Cost them two or three times to stay the rest of the group, lived to the full process, which covered his and other participants beginning to form the skill to "complete" and "appropriate experience". And then there is a responsibility. But ... for the formation of such skills, it is important that the group was long-term. And more important stability trainer. Not just for the fact of presence, but in fact domestic adoption.
as I coach, I can say that only years of therapy could form the therapeutic acceptance and patience escaping from the obligations and relations of the participant. It's like a spoiled child who only attention and clear boundaries you can start to negotiate, giving him responsibility and letting him face the consequences of what he is doing. But it amazes me still some generosity of the group that produces aggression, and then takes his elusive, unavailable, always leaves doubt after the next appointment. What say you, colleagues? And beyond.