One depressed woman had lived in marriage with a brisk man. It happens so often. One partner, being in depression all of the effort is spent communicating, and the second works slightly press Secretary. Guests will come together – he's toast for two will tell you need to call a plumber – he will take care of that. These stories come with a different ending, but the one I started talking, the man was gone a few years later. And it went very bad. Ugly, long, with all sorts of humiliating his wife nuances. Of course she could somehow protect himself, but the fact remains the same – the man was much not up to par.

Then time passed, and the life of women got better. Depression has receded, a new partner, a movement is a kind of went. And that story not only pojavilas and stopped to reopen the soul, and the woman even began to speak that she was largely wrong. Didn't defend himself, not segregated. And ex-husband forgive – what is there to keep evil.

Then it was another time, and this woman was in therapy. And the occasion was some kind of ongoing life, rather from days gone by. But during the work it turned out that it belongs to their feelings in a strange way. Not serious about, and that's an understatement. Whatever you ask, the answer is - there, done that, moved on. This woman is like all the time tried to make it clear that not stand her feelings of attention and care. But when the therapist began this carefully specify began such tears, that only to marvel to marvel. It turned out the woman was the steadfast tin traumatica used euphemistically to lock the pain in the cupboard, and then a light smile. And the therapy closet opened, and there is not pain, and howling, and covered with wounds, and all her life this nightmare of a bore.

then the story of the former husband and came to light again. She seemed to see it at all with the other hand – namely, before my eyes stood all the damage that he caused, and then all the emotion that was ashamed to admit it. After all, the steadfast tin travmatiki strong and not allow themselves to fall apart over nothing. And matters of the heart and there are all sorts of nasty male – this, of course, nonsense. Not war, not bombing, not hunger, when children are dying.

In General, having gone through all over again and at full power, the woman realized that no, she has not forgiven ex-husband. I hurried it with a light and bright forgiveness, because they could not in those years to admit how she really was bad. And forgive-yet unknown, because there are more important tasks, they must first solve it.

What ended the story – I don't know. It is not from the client (and about their customers I will never tell). But something tells me that everything is fine. With or without forgiveness.

My favorite literary man William Baskerville tells his student that the most dangerous thing in repentance – haste. So for me haste to the forgiveness of threat, no less. Hasty forgiveness may be too high a price. It is your insensitivity to traumatic inflicted wounds, dissociative anesthesia, which does not allow to face the pain, to shout it and live as it should be. And that means you did a bad thing by someone else, and then – bad made them yourself. You hurried with his «passed that does not happen”. But it's not over, no. Stuck in unlived. On the closet lock, the door smells of blood and decay. Forgiveness can only come when all the dead are mourned and buried, and all the emotions named and rasprobovali taste. And while it is not necessary to hurry. All the time.