Sibling rivalry a myth?


Jealous is not the one who loves and the one

who wants to be loved...


lately I am very lucky to consultations, the main query which is a parent-child relationship. Most often, the query is formulated like this: "I don't know what happens to a child, because he was so obedient, and now as the chain broke down". When we begin to "rewind the situation back", it usually turns out a few details:

  1. the Situation began to develop long ago, just "notice" it began only when I got strong resistance of the child, i.e. changed behavior. For a long timethat means at least three or four years.
  2. never noticed before, this means that the earlier a child was not obedient, he was just convenient, i.e., given the parents behavior that they are not particularly bothered, was expected/welcome/comfortable.

As a rule, if we are talking about "long term developments", it is often the cause of altered behavior or there are problems at school (with teachers, classmates), or sibling rivalry. School problems parents notice only when you need to pass the exams, and the child is not ready. Children's jealousy notice when the war between the children goes to the level of active opposition. And school problems can be solved, just in time upon hearing of the child and referring to the competent specialist who will help. Why specialist? Because you, as parents, do not have to know everything about everything, but must be able to HEAR the baby. If the problem can not be solved by a single expert, find another, because you did adults people and learned not to run from problems but to solve them.

again: school problems can be easily solved. But with children's jealousy is somewhat more complicated. Why is it more difficult? Because about school problems talking or the children themselves, ILA teacher. The only question is the ability to listen and hear, as well as in the desire or not desire to solve problems. But on the subject, no one speaks. About her silence. Why are you silent? Because when everything just do that in every way happy little kid who just lies no use to you or society bringing more adult the child understands that he needs to give the same joy and admiration for this... what is unclear. The joy of it all waiting for, because they're happy. But how can he give joy, if in fact the baby takes away from him the attention and love of those who had engaged only in them. Yes, he will carry out the requests of the parents from the series: just a little, keep him occupied while I cook dinner etc. Will be... to draw attention to themselves and prove their worth, maybe it will help to regain the love and attention to his person. Some time it will work, because the expected behavior does not cause the parents any negative emotions, i.e., they do not yell and do not make claims. But when more adult the child will understand that the approved behavior of love and attention did not add, it will start to give unapproved behavior. So it will return at least attention. Well, let parents scold, but noticed the same.

How to understand that jealousy between your children there? Start to pay attention to how the expression on the face of the eldest child fulfills your requests for a younger child. Most often you will notice the boredom, rarely anger. What to do with it? Just to explain adult child every step of the way against the younger, the necessity of these steps. And has not been canceled gratitude to parents for all activities of the older child against the younger. After all "give a little brother/sister" that was your wishlist, to be honest. For an older child, most often, this imposed situation.

In my article I tried to analyze the nature of sibling rivalry. I'm not saying that all the families on it are doomed. But if your family happened to start immediate prevention, yet it never went very far. Good luck to you!

Ivanova Svetlana
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