Separation from grown children sometimes experienced by parents as a real loss. How to cope with it?
Children for many of us are, if not the only purpose, then one of the sense-elements of life. Becoming a parent, one begins to live not only for herself but for the child, vrasta in the parent role, and more can not imagine themselves without their children. That is why the loss of the imaginary object constant care is perceived as injury and parents may feel that the resulting void can never be filled with some equivalent content.
But not the children leaving the parental home may be the true reason is too painful experiencing "empty nest syndrome". Often it is just an excuse that drew other reasons, sometimes implicit, and themselves remaining alone with each other parents. Hidden causes of empty nest syndrome, you must first understand and then to resolve – the only way you will remove the traumatic effect.
the following causes of this syndrome have not in all families and they are not always pronounced; but where seeing children in their adult life provoked disorder and depression in parents, often there are those or other variations or combinations.
• Failed partnership. For failed partnerships, children can serve as a kind of "cement", binding agent, without which this pair has long split up. Leaving children at home – disappears and "cement", and now the couple alone appears before the task, which did not want or even feared to undertake. The task of building a working and satisfying relationship for both spouses some seemed to be unsolvable and therefore occur in such relationships, painful divorces or departures to an "other" or "other". In this situation, satisfying both the solution can be found, promptly turning to a psychologist and best of all together.
• Failure as a parent. Of course, this refers to perceived failure, which interferes with the parent's emotional release is already an adult in his adult life. Parent took place when in time he is able to notice the changing needs of the child and reacts to them appropriately, that is, reacts adult respecting the choice and the boundaries of the individual adult. A little child has a vital need parental care and concern, but it is not only useless but also a hindrance, stands in the way of his growing up and personal development, making untenable his own. Learn to hear and understand your adult children and take seriously their need for independence and life experience, without which they could not succeed.
• the guilt of a child. This feeling, especially if it unconsciously, pushing the parent cling to the child as an opportunity to fix something or redo where neither fixed, nor to alter anything anymore. For what has been done and cannot be changed, does not make sense to blame yourself. But it makes sense to find out what mistakes were made and learn the mistakes not to repeat, to restore a close relationship with the child. Here arises a paradox: it is often the parents who feel their blame, I'm afraid to seem "weak" or "loser" in the eyes of children and this hinders them to ask forgiveness and to restore the lost intimacy and trust that only increases emotional distance and alienation. To solve this problem you will help the absorption of two things: the fact that pedagogical mistakes every parent wants it to or not. And the fact that so our life is arranged: the fate of the parents make mistakes, children learn with these mistakes to live and learn from them.
• the Inability to live their own lives. If you used to live for the sake of the children and all of your business and career success you also only associated with children, then you will have to learn to live both for yourself and for your partner. You will have to consciously determine for themselves a new sense of life that meets you individually. All the time and energy you have invested in the child, will be useful for new Hobbies and activities, it is possible for something, than you yourself so long been denied. Now is the time to imagine all this to be resolved.
One of the biggest concerns of parents of adult children is that the children stop their parents need. In the thrall of that fear are those who lose sight of that happy in a relationship can be the only one who seeks to be with someone not out of need, but out of love. To be able to build a relationship of dependency or guilt, and the desire to do something nice for each other – that's what one should aspire to both children and parents. And the tone here is asked, it is parents, not children.