Случай из практики


it So happened that without waiting for the queue to kindergarten, I went to the second decree, and now I have quite a grown-up preschooler and a three-month baby. I'm extremely tired from lack of sleep and colic baby and from interaction with senior: it constantly breaks down, crashes, crashes, noise, uproar, shouting. It's kind of crazy! I have two children and there's no escape. How to calm down and not react so violently to the actions of a senior?

let now out Your particular state associated with the birth of the baby, and the manifestations of a child's jealousy of an older child, which is now difficult to understand how it is to be back in the focus of parental attention. How to be good in the new changed circumstances it is not yet understood - not explained explained not enough tried, not yet accustomed to behave differently, etc. - but household error while provides definitely my mother's attention, albeit negative.

Now I suggest focus on Your relationship with the older child, on what's happening between You and what feelings and reactions.

admittedly, children are clumsy, noisy, there are harmful and capricious. Where an adult man to take so much patience to stoically endure the noise, harm and whims, but still keep the peace?

Imagine the picture: the five-year period, helping mom clear the table dishes, drops your mum's favourite mug and smashes it in neskrivaema smithereens on the tile floor of the kitchen. What will be the reaction of the mom? What will she say and do? With high probability, the mother will Express a disappointment about the clumsiness of his son, remembering all the broken and broken for his short life, things, good, if not spank, completely forgetting that it happened when the baby tried to help her.

the Picture is different: the same kitchen, mom and her friend, clean the dishes from the table, girl drops the same favorite mug the mistress of the house and smashes it to dust on the same floor... What would be the reaction of the owner of the clubs? Up her hand to spank a girlfriend? Will she be able to yell at her, pointing from where her hands grow or assessing her intellectual ability and coordination in General? Probably not... Most likely the events will develop in the following way. Clumsy friend to apologize, mom will shrug their shoulders and say something like: dishes breaking it is to happiness!

what is the actual difference, if the result of the action is the same: a mug is broken, the woman lost it? The difference is significant, it is that in the first case, the responsible child, and in the second adult friend. This difference in relationships: in the first case, they parent-child, and in the second friendly. Parent-child relations irascibility, aggressiveness and maybe even rude, it turns out, is forgivable and unacceptable in friendship.

meanwhile the knowledge of these patterns of relations, the parent gives in the hands of a reliable tool for the regulation of their own status and ways to respond to children's behavior. If the child is now doing something that I, as a parent, upset, sad, angry or even offended, and I have already open my mouth to issue an angry tirade, denouncing the actions of a negligent boys, I can spend a few seconds to think about. "And if it did or said my friend? What would I have said? How would you react?" A few seconds of thought, and parental response may not be as acute, complicating the relationship. In this case, the parental reaction would be to work at saving the relationship – after all, the friends we cherish, and not for destruction – the child is still from us is not going anywhere, no matter what we did or said.

In friendly relations with an older child there is one undeniable bonus - friends willing to help each other, care about each other, encouraging each other. With a child older than 2.5 - 3 years you can speak on the subject of friendship and warm relations, to discuss the cartoons, which played up this theme, not to be condescending, as it should be, namely converse, then these developments will be useful later in resolving relationships between children.

Berdnikova Anna
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