somehow, I experienced a very painful breakup. We were not married but lived together for several years. With this man I was ready to live life..and not just one., but..
When it became clear that this is the end , I was covered by an avalanche of pain and chaos , in addition to the personal, unbearable emotions went to hell all plans : we were planning to move abroad, I received a second degree in a profession that I was not close, but "quoted" in the country. "What can I do this?" I thought. "And how to live?" .It was absolutely not clear, for example, how to communicate with shared friends, and friends don't understand how now to communicate with us. How to share things, and it's not about material, but about memory, about the moments that were dear. I physically became ill at the thought that he might fall in love with someone else. And although we could not see each other, I really missed the reality that we were over. br>
I rented an apartment and began to collect himself again as a color puzzle with a thousand pieces of confused.. This process took me 2 years. You pulled me in work and personal therapy. Now, looking back, I realize that this was one of the most difficult, and most of the resource periods in my life : I changed everything from the appearance and clothing style, to the profession and lifestyle.It was that experience which pushed me very far, but I would not repeat. br>
later, already working as a psychologist, I had the opportunity to work with multiple divorces or separations. Of course, each is going its own way and the reasons are different, but also shared moments too. On the basis of professional and personal experience I have a couple of recommendations which can be useful if you are now acutely experiencing divorce or separation. br>
Here are some tips that can support in this difficult period:
1.Give yourself the right to all possible emotions : pain, anger , fear, shame, etc. Parting is not an easy experience. It's really hard to go through all of you, those who came before, who live it now, and who will come after. You have a right to any emotion. And whatever you feel - you're right. This is normal. br>
2 don't feel sorry for yourself. Sorry for yourself "eats" the last of his strength, and you are now too needed that would essentially re-build his life. You will regret yourself later, when you save resources. ( "zalaldinov" also to drive away)
3.To find a place to stand where you will stay when you go to post in different directions. It can be work, children, Hobbies, sports, whatever, as long as it pulled you from any state. Most often, it is work. If it is not and special alternatives is not expected to go anywhere, even at McDonald's. There is not need special skills, but you change the situation Oh how necessary.
(by the Way, this client of mine did, and work in the youth team and actually transformed herself and "frozen "way of life. "So Young!",- Flirty said the mother of two teenagers ). br>
4 Imperatives. During this period, works particularly well the imperatives - what you need to do "a bloody nose. "to brush my teeth, make the kids food, a haircut on Tuesday, 2 times a week to go to yoga/in the pool/on the box,presenting a pear-shaped former is not important, the main thing to go by train . You can just write a list : throw out old clothes, buy milk, go for a trial lesson flamenco, paint a stool, buy a new dress. br>
5.Return to the dream. It's hard to say why, but it was at this period people most often remember some dreams, the studies that are in relation to these same relations were deferred back to him, and it brings a lot of energy. br>
6. If no strength at all, and I want to just lie on his back and , worse , possible, lie down for a bit, but clearly set the scope : how much you will lay: one week? a month? And then get up and go.. But, in my experience , this practice is the most "vicious" after "salesiani", recovery is the longest. More effective to push yourself a bit "dragged" so to speak, and then, after some time , give yourself a week of probation to roar into the pillow, letting go of what "past" and move forward. Only to come back you will be at least partially rebuilt a new life, and not in the cemetery of joint dreams and plans. Well, if there's no other way, then okay..but it will be more difficult. br>
7.It makes sense to go to a psychologist. This may give constructive support and help to live faster and to digest the experience, to step into a new reality.But if you have in the immediate environment no ones on which you can lean or do you feel that "specifically" do not handle, then to a psychologist is necessary. Better before the occurrence of chronic depression and thoughts of suicide. (Anything can happen) Now there are good psychologists in completely different price ranges, some even working for free, for example, in exchange for the permission to publish your case.(No names, of course)
8. "Acute" stage in a divorce is quite fast , if you don't get stuck. But" full recovery" is at least a year. So please be patient and do not ask themselves instant results. Move in your rhythm and remember : you have as much time as you need. br>
In conclusion, I can say that in my environment, more than half of people going through a divorce or similar in complexity separation. It always hurt, ashamed, "why me ", etc.
But, as time has shown, the life of each of them eventually got better. If not immediately, even through difficult moments and difficult emotions, but after a few years no one would want to go back, and everyone was grateful to his partner for a divorce/breakup, because otherwise life would have turned out differently. So, we can assume you've freed a huge space for new life.
This is, without doubt, a difficult "place", but it could be the push that will take you to a "new level".
ultimately, the divorce will be for you what you make it: a tragedy , ruined the rest of my life or the best "gift from the former" because "Oh my God, I'm so happy! Now I have a Ruslanchik/ house/garden/business/children/ life!" The choice is yours. Always.